I've been in a really dark place lately. Crazy mood swings, battling severe sweets cravings, not making much progress with my workouts (still doing them!), missing my boyfriend (I know... how emo can I get?), wondering what I'm doing with my life, freaking out over my lack of acting career- you get the picture. It's like walking through molasses... but without being able to eat any of it. Bummer.
My friends very sweetly remind me that I've made some huge strides in my life during the past year. Health wise, I can't deny that it's like I'm a different person. That's just one aspect of my life though and I just feel like a directionless fool most of the time. I try to follow my passions and honor what I love in life, but as far as monetizing my skill sets, I feel like I'm reaching a glass ceiling. What was all my book learnin' even for? If I get healthy, great... but if there's still a mediocre life waiting for me once I get to my goal weight and start maintaining, how the hell am I supposed to stay motivated to be the best me I can be?
This kind of thinking is circular and while I know it does happen to us all from time to time, it's important not to let it take over because it's not productive. I have to stop it before it stops me.
What does all this have to do with Star Trek? The only thing that has successfully helped me decompress is watching Star Trek: The Next Generation with a big mug of Chai tea. Every time the intro played, I thought about words issued by the rich voice of Sir Patrick Stewart.
"To explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life; to boldly go where no man has gone before." Star Trek encourages us to celebrate the spirit of exploration, regardless of the results. After listening to those words over and over, I realized that I should be focusing on what I can do to make my life better rather than all the things that are holding me back or seem to be going wrong. After all, without that will to "go boldly," there won't be any results to speak of. Ergo, the answer to my depressed malaise must be to inject my days with a reinvigorated zest for trying new things.
Research into my upcoming shift to eating/living Primal has certainly given me something new to focus on and has renewed my excitement about what I'm eating/cooking. I've been making huge salads lately and making the shift away from low fat dressings to using avocado or even guacamole. It's amazing how tasty that is. TRY IT IMMEDIATELY!
When I went home, I made it my goal to get in all my workouts to prove that even on vacation, I can make time for my health. I also tried to get my family out on walks and as active as possible. My parents are participating in the walk to Mordor, but they're way behind on our goal to finish by the end of the year so I figured this might encourage them to see what a little extra time spent on simple activity could do for their Fitbit statistics. We did tons of walks both in Chicago and in Michigan and we even took our dogs on a few of them, which was fun.
While away, I realized that breaking up my routine is actually a great thing for stress relief. My mood was vastly improved by taking runs through areas I wasn't familiar with. Maybe my run times weren't as good but it was a nice way to experience the environment and feel a revitalized sense of fun in my workouts. I'm getting that in spades right now because I'm house sitting for my friends who live on the Upper West Side of Manhattan right near Riverside Park while they're abroad in Japan . I'll be here for the next few weeks and the park has gotten me really pumped for my runs, though it's certainly more hilly than I'm used to. However, this halfling does have to be a bit wary as I run past Isengard. There be ORCSES in them thar hills!
I'm also taking care of their kitties, Vivi and Eiko. Despite feeling a little isolated right now , it's been really fun to have those two around for cuddles, playtime, and light one sided conversation (they're good listeners. DON'T JUDGE ME!). Sadly I don't think there are kittens or puppies in my future at home because of the expense and my inability to keep a steady schedule, but at least for now I have these two cuties to keep me company. It definitely breaks up the tedium of a boring evening alone after an exhausting day of work.
To top it all off, I had a chance to hang with some fellow Nerd Fitness rebels today! I met up with one of them earlier in the day and we enjoyed the near perfect weather as we strolled through Central Park. We even discovered there was a celebration called "Japan Day" going on with tons of cosplayers, traditional entertainment, and free food. Later, we met up up with two more forum members at Brooklyn Boulders to do some rock climbing! I had no idea this place even existed and it as soon as we walked in, it just felt like a giant playground for adults.
I was really nervous because every time I've tried rock climbing, I've made it a few feet into the air and just hung there in terror until my forearms gave out under the immense stress of my weight. I was sort of nervous the same thing would happen this time and I'd become the red-headed step child of the trendy fit kids club. I knew my new comrades wouldn't really judge me, but I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to criticism and shame spirals (if you hadn't noticed!).
Instead this happened.
When will I learn not to sell myself short? Apparently never.
Tomorrow a bunch of us rebels are meeting up with even more forum members and forming our own "away team" for a day of New York sightseeing and exploration! I'm looking forward to wracking up the miles on my Fitbit, making new friends, and putting my non-deficit day to good use when we settle in for some good vittles! Of course, I have to earn the right to "play" by paying the price in the morning with a four mile Zombies, Run session.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I know I haven't fixed all of the things that are leaving this dark cloud over my head. They're still present, but I'm not letting them stop me from seeing the potential that the world has to offer me. I'm still boldly going where no Anne has gone before and I don't intend to stop any time soon.
...See what I did there?