One of the fitness tips I really struggle to accept is "Focus on one goal at a time." Sure, it makes perfect sense: if we have a limited amount of willpower, focusing on changing one small habit before you move to the next is wise, right? Aye aye, Captain Tightpants!
Shiny.
But no matter how logical this is, I haven't figured out how to do it yet. I want to adopt a cleaner diet. I want to get stronger. I want to get faster. I want to learn all sorts of new things that are outside my comfort zone. And on top of all of that, I also want to help others accomplish similar goals, too.
10-4, good buddy!
Slow down there, Bandit! This isn't a mad dash across state lines in a Trans-Am (sadly). Unfortunately, I've been having trouble prioritizing lately. I'm trying to increase my performance at CrossFit (including working towards my first pull up); I want to add krav maga, kung fu, yoga, and parkour classes back into my schedule; I want to get even a little better at both distance running and sprinting; I want to start attending a CrossFit "box" in addition to working out in my garage; I want to do more outdoor activities; I want to pursue coaching certifications and experiences; I want to continue learning how to autocross like the Stig; I want to learn Morse code, Ham radio, and how to tie sailing knots . . . and there are two jobs to go to, house projects to do, trips to plan, meals to cook, adventures to be had, and oh yeah, eight hours of sleep to catch each night. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, and I can guarantee you that I'm not any closer to 90% of these things now than I was last week. It kind of makes me want to check out and not attempt, well, anything.
Some say he read A Storm of Swords in forty minutes and didn't bat an eye at chapter 51.
I don't have an answer on how to balance all that crazy yet. I'm not even ready to say "_____ is my one priority right now, and I'll move on to ________ after that." (I'd tell you that my one priority is to be less stressed, but figuring out how to de-stress is stressful.) I'll try to work on prioritizing and focusing my scattered goals for next week's post. Hopefully.
Until then, I'd love to engage with the Project Reroll community a little bit and hear your stories. Maybe we can inspire each other! I'm new to PR, so, tell me about yourselves. :)
Engage!!
If you want to share your life story, let's hear it! Otherwise, if you don't have the time to write a memoir, I'd love to hear your answers to a few of the following questions . . . (I swear #4&5 aren't me selfishly looking for new suggestions!)
What brought you here? How did you find Anne's amazing story?
Who aren't you? What are you overcoming? What are you leaving in your past to become the new you?
What's your current goal? Cleaner diet? Paying down debt? Strength training? Planning a trip? All of the above?!
What are some of your favorite, motivating songs when you're running/driving/waking up on Mondays?
What's your (current or all-time) favorite video game or novel?
Here, I'll go first:
I found Anne through her interview on Nerd Fitness. She replied to one of my comments about trying the "Zombies, Run!" app, and was super awesome, so I came over to the blog and started devouring the archives. :)
I really struggle with believing in myself. As I work on that, I'm slowly leaving behind the timid, overly cautious girl in my past and becoming stronger and more confident.
Yes. All of the above, and so much more! I swear I'll pick just one. Maybe. I hope.
Titanium (David Guetta ft. Sia) always gets me to run faster; I just discovered Hall of Fame (The Script ft. Will.i.am) from a suggestion on PaleOMG and am digging it; We Own It (2 Chainz ft. Wiz Khalifa) rocked the intro of Fast 6 and makes me want to go out and be a badass. BONUS: They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard!! sort of makes me want to run, too, even though I'm with Gimli on the whole distance running thing.
I'm currently loving my first taste of the Lara Croft empire with Tomb Raider Reborn. I'm told I should try Uncharted, but I have no PS3. (I'll save my immense archive of favorite reading material for later!)
Your turn! Let's hear your stories below. Make it so!
At the beginning of this journey, people wanted to know a lot about how I was going about losing weight and sticking to it. What was I eating? What were my fitness goals? Later on, questions started pouring in about how I felt in my new body. Was it different? Did I have more energy? However, following the publication of my "success" story on Nerd Fitness, there's been a huge upswing in questions from people who want to know how to approach their friends about their weight issues and get them to change.
It wasn't someone telling me to lose weight that caused me to take up arms and accept the mission. In fact, for years people told me to do something about my health and the more they insisted, the more I dug in my heals. To be told by someone you trust and love implicitly that you are less than acceptable in their eyes can be extremely hurtful, and what's more, that particular "f-word" can sting forever. I still remember every time that someone used it in regard to me whether it was out of the desperation of love or as a jibe. It hurts just the same either way and you can guarantee that when that person gets ready to face their demons, they are not going to come to you for empathy, guidance, and support.
When a doctor or a parent told me I was overweight to the point where it would affect my health significantly, aside from the very first time when I was elementary school and I wouldn't have realized otherwise, I always wanted to ask them if they thought I didn't know that.
I look in the mirror every morning. I can see that I'm fat. It's old news. Telling me isn't going to make me have some huge revelation that I haven't had already. Seeing photos of yourself where you've significantly gained weight since the last time you saw yourself in a picture or attempting to do something you could always do physically and then finding out you're unable to do it anymore- those are the things that will make you hit rock bottom and realize that you need to change for yourself and not for anyone else. I feel like I can pretty much guarantee you that the impetus to lose weight and keep it off never came from someone telling someone else they were fat. Truly finding redemption for your body through health and fitness isn't about anyone else but you.
That's why it can be hard when we watch the people we love going down roads we know are toxic for them. At the end of the day, you can't want it enough for them. They have to want it themselves. So how can we help them along the way?
Let's look at some successful redemption tales, shall we?
Xena doesn't decide to change her ways because someone tells her she's an evil warlord. When they do that, she laughs in their face and slaughters their entire village. She eventually changes because of the people in her life. Hercules and Gabriel see her for her potential as a whole person and not just a force of destruction.
In Buffy, Spike doesn't change his ways because of a chip in his head. That limits his behavior, but it's Buffy's presence in his life that causes him to want redemption- to chase after his lost soul.
In Star Trek: Deep Space 9, Quark slowly changes his smarmy cheating Ferengi ways because he's deeply affected by the people living around him on the station. Without them, he wouldn't ever start sticking his neck out for people or making selfless acts.
These characters change because people in their lives set an example for them to follow that they admire.
So what do you do to be that example for your friends so they can morph into the rerolled heroes they were meant to be?
You can love them for who they are right now, inside and out. Tell them that you do, because more than likely, they berate themselves and think they're worthless because of the place they've let themselves get to without doing anything. Tell them they matter to you. Make them feel good about themselves. If they feel good, then they'll think they're worth fighting for.
You can "be the change you want to see in the world," as Ghandi said. Tackle your own health and addictions. Sometimes seeing someone else succeed is what will inspire someone to take charge of their own problems.
You can educate yourself on nutrition and fitness so that when they are ready to ask questions, you have answers.
You can empathize with them and make them feel validated when they open up to you about their emotions, health related or not. That way, when they are ready to expose themselves and do the work to get healthy, they'll feel like you've created a safe harbor for them to express their trials and tribulations. They're going to need a fellowship to get that ring to Mordor and you could be a part of it.
I'm certainly not an expert and I don't have all the answers. I just know how I've been affected by these kinds of confrontations and more importantly, how I'd like to be treated. So how 'bout it? If you have any related questions, advice, or experiences you'd like to share, please leave them in the comments.
All health choices ultimately come down to that one thing.
How badly do you want it and what are you willing to give up?
Every task, from work, to working out, to dealing with unpleasant social situations draws on the same resource; Willpower (or self control if you prefer). Lately, I've been struggling to manage my "limited mana pool," so to speak.
For 11 months. I've turned down cupcakes and candy while watching others graze on them at will. I've woken up at 6 in the morning to make time for runs before work despite exhaustion. I've traded gaming time for gym time and the freedom of eating "wherever my friends want" for making sure that there will be something I can eat wherever we go.
Add in a very physical job that requires me to manage groups of 30 people from around the world for an hour at least three or four times a day. It requires me to walk at least 5 miles during the work day alone, and provide the best in customer service to over 1000+ guests a day.
Add in the emotional anniversary of the death of a friend.
Add in my stress over trying to figure out how to pursue my acting career in this new body.
Add in my boyfriend (one of my major rocks), moving back to Michigan for the summer.
The reason I'm listing all these stress factors is because it takes the same type of energy to behave like a mature, mentally and physically healthy adult in the face of all those hurdles despite how different they are.
Sometimes it really seems like the perfect storm, and despite the fact that I have been able to stay on track with my health goals, I've become slightly pugnacious, rude and confrontational in the face of my increased stress load. My fuse is the shortest it's ever been and I really don't like the person I'm becoming.
Seriously, I'm not far off from this:
Many whelps, guys. Many whelps.
Just think about your own life.
How many times have you had a really crappy or exhausting day and made a bad decision using your experience as an excuse?
I ran around the city all day getting ready for my big trip so I'll skip out on the gym because I'm exhausted.
My boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with me so I'll drown my sorrows in a pint of ice cream. I just had a really shitty day, so it's ok that I was short with my dad on the phone.
We've all been there. We're only human. Usually when we cave and make a bad decision or lash out aggressively it's because we aren't managing our mana pool efficiently. Then when we don't execute our plans perfectly, it feels like there's no point and more mistakes follow.
But what do we say to the god of death?
Not today.
Even when the walls are caving in, you have to learn how to cope without relying on your old toxic habits or taking it out on the people around you. If you want to keep fighting for your health, you can't just throw up your hands and accept defeat. You need to change your tactics and evolve.
First, you have to accept that you cannot be perfect at everything all the time. You need to prioritize what you're going to excel at, what you're going to do well at, and what you're going to let go for the day.
It's sort of like prioritizing a kill order for mobs in a video game. Save the bigger spells for the the bigger bosses and get by with the smaller ones to take out the less threatening ones.
If you know you'll have an exhausting day at work, then choose a lighter workout, but plan to eat on your plan perfectly. If you know you'll be going out to a truly fabulous dinner with friends, give yourself a little more leeway if your diet execution has been stellar for the last few weeks, but go hard when it comes to the gym that morning so that you earn it. I usually try to get new personal records in my runs on these days or put in some extra time on attempting new yoga positions so that I can feel like I really accomplished something great.
NOTE: Don't go overboard on the whole "going out to eat with friends" social excuse. Generally, I've been giving myself one day a week where I don't have to meet my deficit on fitbit if there's a significant social occasion, like a birthday. Try to plan things so that treats are just that; TREATS. You don't need cake all the time, but you shouldn't deny yourself the odd indulgence if you plan for it ahead of time and make it an active choice.
It's also important to start recognizing what recharges you and it's critical to find things that don't involve eating as form of stress relief. After all, before you face a new boss on raid night, it's important to stock up on your mana potions!
What stress factors can you eliminate quickly and which are out of your control? If you're feeling overwhelmed, take a deep breath and think of little things you can do. Would cleaning your desk make you feel less stressed? Can you take out the trash or go out and get your groceries? Can you clean out your email inbox?
Is there some activity that you really enjoy that seems to erase the stress of the day? Treat yourself to a pedicure. Carve out some time to watch a movie you've been dying to see. Cuddle with your significant other on the couch and talk about your day together. Schedule an hour to PVP. Maybe you don't have a whole day to lounge around and devour reruns of Doctor Who on Netflix, but you can findsome time for yourself if you do some creative thinking.
Can you make time at least once a week to hang with friends and relieve some stress? Sometimes this road to health can be lonely and it can definitely make you feel isolated. Make sure you are putting in time with your friends because it will help you keep a level head. They knew you before you started on this path and they'll be able to step in and help you if you seem to be going a little bonkers.
Is there a physical activity/ritual that seems to center you? Try out some yoga or meditation. Download some new music and go for a walk while you listen to it. The more you can discover physical activities that you truly enjoy, the better off you'll be in the long run.
It's time to accept the things you can't control and and take the helm when it comes to the things you can. Learn to recognize the difference and you'll be able to keep yourself moving in the right direction. Success is just the ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other no matter what. You might not always be perfect, but if you can assess your failures, forgive yourself, and learn from them, then you'll always be ready for the next boss fight will a full mana pool and enough willpower to lead your raid team constructively without the threat of 50 DKP minuses.
Changing my nutrition and exercise habits have had a profound effect on me both inside and out. Even though I've had some success, when times get tough (I hit a plateau, I'm constantly surrounded by temptation, I get distracted by emotional stuff in my life, etc), I sometimes find myself drifting back to my old way of thinking. Sure, when my friends are eating delicious New York pizza, I want some. I wish it was in the cards that I could eat a slice or two like I used to. When it's late at night and I get a craving for ice cream, I start remembering what it was like to load up on my favorite flavors whenever I felt like it. When I make my boyfriend a bacon cheeseburger I FRAKIN' WANT ONE TOO. Who wouldn't? My choice to not give into that overwhelming urge to throw in the towel and go hog wild with food is what makes me strong. Willpower is a muscle and the more you flex it, the easier it gets. However, when I'm teetering on the edge of disaster, I start to think of what I don't miss about my "old" life. It's like the Star Wars prequels. Sometimes you really wish you didn't sit through those years of pain, but it's there forever and no matter how hard you try, you can't imagine it away so you might as well do your best to glean what you can from it.
That's why I made this list of "Things I Don't Miss." Thinking about the negative things in my past and how they've changed helps me to focus on a brighter future that as of now, isn't so far, far away anymore.
I don't miss getting winded just by walking from the subway to my destination.
I don't miss sweating like crazy all the time.
I don't miss getting hit on by guys who only want me because I'm a "BBW" fetish.
I don't miss only being able to sit on the subway if there are two adjacent seats available.
I don't miss my feet feeling like they were breaking after being on them for hours at a time.
I don't miss my feet and ankles swelling up like sausages a few times a month.
I don't miss slowly having to accept that I'm getting too big for my clothes.
I don't miss binging on a whole pizza from Pappa John's and feeling like crap afterwards for willingly destroying my body day after day.
I don't miss calling to order food from one of my favorite restaurants and having them recognize my voice and fill in my order before I can finish my sentence.
I don't miss that guy at Dunkin' Donuts who saw my State ID from when I was thinner while I was paying and said, "Wow. When did you get fat?"
I don't miss going to the doctor and having to get poked and prodded a billion times for them to even find a vein to take blood.
I don't miss people feeling they need to console me by telling me, "But you have a beautiful face."
I don't miss my family repeatedly telling me I'm going to get diabetes.
I don't miss approaching a roller coaster with apprehension because I might not fit in the seat.
I don't miss putting myself down with a joke so that no one else has a chance to do it first.
I don't miss feeling like I'm holding my friends back because of my weight.
I don't miss letting myself get pushed around because I don't feel I deserve to take up any space.
I don't miss looking at my beautiful friends and feeling like I don't even deserve to be around them.
I don't miss being jealous of other people's beauty and success in healthy endeavors and subsequently hating myself for it.
I don't miss promising myself that "I'll start tomorrow" but already knowing I won't.
I don't miss making a million excuses for not trying something because I was afraid to fail due to my weight.
I don't miss looking in the mirror, being unhappy with what I see, and
not being able to temper that with an affirmation that I'm working hard
to become a better person.
Last night, a friend asked me how it "felt" to have lost all this weight. I was flooded with a
mixture of emotions because I know at my core I'm the same person in a
lot of ways, but in that moment I was struggling to capture the result of leaving all that negativity in my past. In the end I decided on, "I'm not afraid anymore."
