Level Up Your Life

Early on in my quest for better health, someone told me about Nerd Fitness, a blog and forums started by Steve Kamb and dedicated to helping geeks focus on fitness, weight loss, and diet while bringing them together to support & educate each other on their way. Can anyone say, "Perfect match!" I'm rabid scifi/fantasy/gaming nerd and, as I've written on this blog many times, a HUGE reason I've finally found success with weight loss and health is because I discovered ways to use that stuff to motivate me rather than letting it be an escape so that I wouldn't have to face my issues.

Right around the time I discovered Nerd Fitness, Steve delivered this TEDxTalk and I was incredibly moved because his mentality is so similar to mine.

This whole journey is about improving your life and giving you the strength you need to take what you want from it. On Nerd Fitness I found tons of great articles about eating healthy on a budget, the amazing transformations of the forum members, using Frodo's trek to Mount Doom as inspiration for a new walking regimen (seriously awesome), and how to approach seemingly impossible goals in a way that actually helps you accomplish them- not to mention several articles with workouts you can do outside of the gym if you can't afford a membership. There are so many more awesome posts and new ones come out every week both from Steve and sometimes guest bloggers.

When I started looking through the forums and discovering the threads for the "real life role playing game" and six week challenges, I got really inspired and very intimidated. These people were accomplishing amazing feats just by applying the structure of a tabletop RPG to their actual lives.  It's genius. Everyone creates their character, decides a profession/class that correlates to their fitness goals, and assigns 15 points to their level 1 stats (Strength, Dexterity, Stamina, Constitution, Wisdom, Charisma). Each challenge offers the opportunity to gain one level and more stat points. Everyone sets four goals (3 fitness/health and one 1 life goal per challenge), assigns the amount of points they'll win for different statistics should they succeed, and at the end they grade their work and award the amount of points they feel best reflects their progress. You can learn more from the full rundown on Nerd Fitness Rebellion Forums.

As much as I loved the idea, I was already participating in challenges on the Nutrisystem forums and every time I checked back, they were in the middle of a challenge and I had to wait to sign up for the next one. I missed a few opportunities, but FINALLY I figured out the challenge dates and put it in my calendar so I wouldn't miss it. I amped myself up by preparing my character in the down time:

Hearthsinger the Wandering Bard

Level 1 Halfling Ranger

STR 2 | DEX 1 | STA 2 | CON 2 | WIS 4 | CHA 4

"You are what you do. You can re-create yourself every second of your life." -Xena

Clearly I couldn't resist quoting Xena- and it's a damn good quote too! I chose to join the Rangers guild (a mixture of cardio and strength training), and started getting my goals ready. You can read about them and see all my starting measurements and weight below.

Fitness/Nutrition goals:

• Take at least one Yoga class a week. (+2 STR)
• Complete 5k training missions with "Zombies, Run" 3x/week. I'm starting my week 2 training missions on October 25. (+5 STA)
• Complete at least two 45 minute training sessions on the elliptical per week. (+2 DEX)
• Learn to cook three Paleo meals by the end of the challenge. NOTE: I'm on Nutrisystem right now, but it's just an open door into a much larger world. I'm learning a lot about portion size and breaking food into 5-6 smaller meals a day, but I want to learn a little about Paleo and cleaner eating so that when I get to my goal weight and drop my subscription, I'll be ready to hit the ground running. (+3 CON)

Life Goal:

• Write at least 2 new blog posts a week and create a logo for the header. NOTE: I've been posting backlogged entries from the past seven months daily so there's constantly new content, but I need to keep CREATING content on a schedule so that I can stick to releasing two articles a week on a regular schedule for the readers once I catch up to current time. (+ 3 WIS)

Measurements:

• Bust: 38"
• Waist: 41"
• Hips: 44"
• Thigh: 22.25"
• Calves: 16.5"
• Bicep: 12.5"

Starting Weight:

• 162.4 lbs

Yesterday, Feb 25th, was officially day one of my first challenge as a Nerd Fitness Rebel and I'm REALLY excited to get to work! In fact, this is post number one for my first week. One down, one to go! If you decide to join in, I'm Hearthsinger on the forums. So take the plunge, join the rebellion and let's do some serious power leveling! 

Before I send you off to do great things, here's some final inspiration from Steve as he exercises around the world. 

Things I Don't Miss

 Changing my nutrition and exercise habits have had a profound effect on me both inside and out. Even though I've had some success, when times get tough (I hit a plateau, I'm constantly surrounded by temptation, I get distracted by emotional stuff in my life, etc), I sometimes find myself drifting back to my old way of thinking. Sure, when my friends are eating delicious New York pizza, I want some. I wish it was in the cards that I could eat a slice or two like I used to. When it's late at night and I get a craving for ice cream, I start remembering what it was like to load up on my favorite flavors whenever I felt like it. When I make my boyfriend a bacon cheeseburger I FRAKIN' WANT ONE TOO. Who wouldn't? My choice to not give into that overwhelming urge to throw in the towel and go hog wild with food is what makes me strong. Willpower is a muscle and the more you flex it, the easier it gets. However, when I'm teetering on the edge of disaster, I start to think of what I don't miss about my "old" life. It's like the Star Wars prequels. Sometimes you really wish you didn't sit through those years of pain, but it's there forever and no matter how hard you try, you can't imagine it away so you might as well do your best to glean what you can from it. 

That's why I made this list of "Things I Don't Miss." Thinking about the negative things in my past and how they've changed helps me to focus on a brighter future that as of now, isn't so far, far away anymore.

• I don't miss getting winded just by walking from the subway to my destination.
• I don't miss sweating like crazy all the time.
• I don't miss getting hit on by guys who only want me because I'm a "BBW" fetish.
• I don't miss only being able to sit on the subway if there are two adjacent seats available.
• I don't miss my feet feeling like they were breaking after being on them for hours at a time.
• I don't miss my feet and ankles swelling up like sausages a few times a month.
• I don't miss slowly having to accept that I'm getting too big for my clothes.
• I don't miss binging on a whole pizza from Pappa John's and feeling like crap afterwards for willingly destroying my body day after day.
• I don't miss calling to order food from one of my favorite restaurants and having them recognize my voice and fill in my order before I can finish my sentence.
• I don't miss that guy at Dunkin' Donuts who saw my State ID from when I was thinner while I was paying and said, "Wow. When did you get fat?"
• I don't miss going to the doctor and having to get poked and prodded a billion times for them to even find a vein to take blood.
• I don't miss people feeling they need to console me by telling me, "But you have a beautiful face."
• I don't miss my family repeatedly telling me I'm going to get diabetes.
• I don't miss approaching a roller coaster with apprehension because I might not fit in the seat. 
• I don't miss putting myself down with a joke so that no one else has a chance to do it first.
• I don't miss feeling like I'm holding my friends back because of my weight.
• I don't miss letting myself get pushed around because I don't feel I deserve to take up any space.
• I don't miss looking at my beautiful friends and feeling like I don't even deserve to be around them. 
• I don't miss  being jealous of other people's beauty and success in healthy endeavors and subsequently hating myself for it.
• I don't miss promising myself that "I'll start tomorrow" but already knowing I won't.
• I don't miss making a million excuses for not trying something because I was afraid to fail due to my weight.
• I don't miss looking in the mirror, being unhappy with what I see, and not being able to temper that with an affirmation that I'm working hard to become a better person.

Last night, a friend asked me how it "felt" to have lost all this weight. I was flooded with a mixture of emotions because I know at my core I'm the same person in a lot of ways, but in that moment I was struggling to capture the result of leaving all that negativity in my past. In the end I decided on, "I'm not afraid anymore."

The Spike Theory: Vices to Virtues

Do you ever find that when you "trim the fat from life" that you're trimming the fun from it too?

If the answer is yes, then you're doing it wrong. If you aren't enjoying the life you live then what's the point of all the hard work you're putting into your nutrition and exercise? You have to take what you love in life and exorcise the bad until only the redeemable qualities are left behind. Sound familiar?

Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer would think so. This is a guy who went from Big Bad to big damn hero all because he was able to change his point of view on how he wanted to "live" his unlife. You can do the same thing with the way you think about the "vices" in your life that prohibit you from reaching your health goals.

I used to spend my free time playing video games for 4-7 hours a day and eating whole pizzas, thai food, cheese fries, snacks, candy, and regular soda along the way. When I hung out with my friends, we'd always have some sort of over the top treat and I would go back for seconds or even thirds. When  I went to conventions, I would eat whatever was around and spend way too much money on crappy food that wasn't good for me followed by indulging in a big dinner when we got back to the hotel in the evening. I was in my Spike "slayer of slayers" phase. I didn't care what I was doing as long as I could do what I wanted, when I wanted to. That felt good to me.

Now taken alone, video games, socializing, and trips were not bad for me! It's the inactivity and overeating that accompanied these activities that made them toxic. Side note: This is why it drives me crazy when people like Bob Harper on The Biggest Loser equate the war on childhood obesity to a war on video games. That's a topic for another day. While temptation does tend to strike when I engage in these activities, the more you practice willpower, the more you strengthen that mental muscle and make it possible to view these these things as rewards for sticking one hundred percent to your diet and fitness regime.

When I first started my diet, I made a rule that I couldn't play video games and I would stick 100% to Nutrisystem food with no exceptions for the first month. I just wanted to break the patterns that I'd gotten used to. It was sort of like detoxing. I found myself CRAVING the games like crazy- more than I ever craved the food- especially MMOs. I took my diet food with me to group outings and it was great, but I did miss the ability to go out to dinner every once in a while. This was my "Spike with the chip" phase. My redeemable life of good health wasn't exactly natural yet. It was a little agonizing but when I figured out how to direct my energy so that I could still enjoy doing things I loved, it got a lot better.

In month two, I allowed myself to play video games, but only after I'd been to the gym for the day. I also allotted myself one meal "out" a week. That meal was never a splurge. It always met with the guidelines of my diet plan and I would research the menus ahead of time to make sure I was prepared to order healthy selections and set myself up for success. 

Then along came the holidays. I thought long and hard about how I'd handle all the tempting treats I knew would surround me. Did I need them to make me feel like I was a part of the festive holiday? I think that answer is different for everyone, but I determined that they were. Therefore, I decided that if the treats were about the holidays then they should only be allowed ON the day itself. Every other day of the season I stuck to my plan. I stuck to my guidelines for all the social outings in between and when those festive days came, I felt like I was completely deserving of a little reward. 

Conventions have turned into great rewards now that I cosplay because I work really hard on a costume and on my physique for months so that when I get to wear it, the whole event is a celebration of my hard work. I bring food with me so I'm not snacking on things I shouldn't be eating all day and in the evening I do the best I can to eat healthy while still enjoying a little vacation time with my friends. I like to think I'm in my "Spike gets his soul back" phase. I'm actively seeking out better health. Sometimes it's still a struggle, but it's one I chose and one I know I want to see the other side of. The only way I was able to push myself past the point where I normally would have given up was to accept the vices in my life and turn them in to virtues and rewards for pursuing my goals. If I keep at it, who knows? Maybe one day I'll have the power to run a marathon and destroy the hell mouth. I'm just taking it one baby vampire step at a time.

What can you do to "Spike-ify" your fitness and nutrition goals? If you have any tips or experiences to share, please leave them in the comments!

Find Your Fellowship

Quests for better health can be a lonely process, but they don't have to be. 

Every time I have failed at getting healthy it's because I made the process a secret. I was so ashamed that I even had to put myself through such drastic change to my exercise and diet that I didn't want to let anyone see me at my most vulnerable. I also removed a lot of the things I liked from my life under the pretense that "old me" was broken. I stopped playing video games because I connected them to binge eating and constant snacking. I stopped going to movies because I didn't feel like I could go and not eat candy. I stopped going out to dinner with friends because I hated the idea of not being able to partake in what other people were eating. My social life dwindled into near non-existence with very few exceptions. I'm an only child and I'm used to being on my own- it's even comfortable for me, but when I stopped hanging out with my friends as much, I really lost my perspective on my place in the world and began letting some of the negativity that can be a part of a challenging physical process take over in a very damaging way.

"I'm too fat to even exercise like a normal person."

"I didn't lose as much weight as I wanted to this week."

"I've lost a ton of weight but I'm still gigantic. It'll never be enough."

"Food is bad. Food is the enemy."

"I love food. I miss food."

"Why even try? This is impossible. It's going to take over  a year to lose all this weight anyways."

"I hate myself."

I didn't have any friends around to snap me out of my downward spiral because in my version of "focusing" on my health, I had to shut them out until I was worthy to be a part of the world in all my unattainable skinny splendor.

This method of getting healthy wasn't healthy at all, let alone the fact that it was completely unsustainable. I would habitually push myself till I broke and then binge eat all the weight back on. I was afraid the doctor, of scales, of anything that would make me face what I was putting myself through. I went through long periods of trying to eat less than 600 calories a day with my hair falling out in droves every time I showered. I can remember hating myself for "binging" on five chicken fingers after I lost my willpower to stick to that malnourished diet and sticking my fingers down my throat for the first time to erase the mistake. 

If I had been brave enough to face the world and to let my friends see what was going on, I probably would have gotten the help I needed a lot sooner and I would have had people to set me straight and support me as I picked myself up and got back to being healthy.

My point is that you need at least one person aside from yourself that you can be accountable to. You're going on a long quest and you need your Fellowship so you can toss your fat into the fires of Mount Doom! Your Fellowship should be people you trust. They should be people you see in person often and I would venture that you might want to make sure that some of them know a little bit about health and fitness, though that's not essential. The biggest factor is that they should love you unconditionally and you should feel comfortable succeeding and failing in front of them. These are people who you should chat with regularly about your process. They should make you want to develop your fitness around what you love in your life instead of shutting all the joy out till the turkey's done and ready to come out of the oven. Your Fellowship is there to reflect all the positive stuff back at you, help you find new ways to enjoy the healthier you, and speak up if it seems like you're derailing your progress somehow. 

The next level isn't for everyone, but I've found it very rewarding to use social media like Facebook, Twitter, and this blog (SURPRISE!) to share my trials, tribulations, progress, and goals. It makes me feel good when someone I haven't seen in a while makes a comment about how great I look or when someone whose fitness regime I've always admired shares some great advice. 

I'm not ashamed of what I'm doing anymore. I love it- and not just for the end goal, but because it's brought me closer to the people in my life, expanded my interests, and allowed me to participate in the things I love in ways I didn't think were possible before. I'm getting out and running three times a week (something I thought I'd never do!). I'm taking two or three yoga classes a week and today I caught myself in the mirror during the class and realized how graceful I'd become. Me? Graceful! INCONCEIVABLE! I get excited when I'm about to debut a costume instead of nervous about how I'm going to look next to everyone else. I treat myself to the special indulgences when I'm out with friends without going overboard because I've learned how! 

None of those breakthroughs would have been possible without my Fellowship. I'm sort of tearing up thinking about it because I'm super sappy and I don't even think they know how much it means that I've been able to bypass the pain and suffering I put myself through in the past in order to make real progress that will last my whole life all because they supported me through this quest. So if you're reading this, you know who you are. Thank you! 

Choose Your Own Adventure

Our newly painted miniatures for a campaign of Mage: The Awakening. Mine is second from the left!

Whenever I start a new tabletop role playing game, be it D&D, Scion, or Mage: The Awakening, I have the hardest time getting started. There are rule books jammed with so many choices that I feel completely lost until after I've narrowed down that first kernel of inspiration for the character. Does she fight with daggers? Is she from the wrong side of the tracks? Lawful good or chaotic neutral? I need to have one answer before the rest can fall into place.

Similarly, there's a boatload of advice on the internet about diet and exercise. Knowing where to start is a challenge in itself! What are credible sources? There are plans galore to tempt you; Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, My Fitness Pal, Couch to 5k, FitBit, Paleo, Primal. It's easy to get overwhelmed and even easier to discover conflicting advice. The ultimate key is finding something you think you can sustain. Whatever changes you make to your eating and physical activity should be things that you can stick with for life or you'll just end up back where you started. 

Personally, Nutrisystem has been a great gateway for me, but it's hardly the end goal. I don't intend to be on it forever and ultimately I would like to eat more whole foods than processed foods which will be easier when I'm cooking most everything from scratch. In the end, it doesn't make sense to be ordering food from across the country and carrying meals with me every time I go to parties. However, this "gateway" has taught me a lot about portions, ways to improve my metabolism by eating smaller meals/snacks a day, and how to fit more fruits/veggies/water into my diet. Some people would absolutely disagree with me, but I don't think there are "magic" foods that cause you to lose weight. A balanced diet with correct portions combined with increased physical activity will cause you lose weight and get healthy. I've worked hard to learn about nutrition while following this program because I know it's the only way I'll be able to keep the weight off once I stop placing orders with Nutrisystem.

A lot of people react to the success of those around them by wanting to get a piece of it themselves. That's certainly what got me started. Sometimes, I find that when I explain what I'm doing, people get overwhelmed. "No offense. That's great and all, but I could never do what you do," said a friend of mine. My reaction is, "That's the beauty of it! There are tons of ways to improve your current habits and you can start small and see what works for you." 

My answer doesn't have to be yours. I have a friend who murders herself in multiple boxing classes a day and lives for it. If you think I'm trying that any time soon, then you're completely insane! I have another friend who will plan her entire day of eating and exercise around what she wants for desert because treats are that important to her! I totally do that when I have something really special planned, like eating Magnolia cupcakes with my sweetie on Valentine's Day. Other people say, "You can't live for treats like a dog. You have to cut all the processed chemicals, grains, and dairy completely out of your diet." If that's what works for them, by all means live long and prosper! I'd miss carbs and dairy way too much for that to be sustainable for me. My point is that ALL of these plans work for the individuals who implement them well and execute them long enough to see result.

What absolutely doesn't work is constantly changing your plan or taking some from column A and some from column B. You need to choose your new class and stick with it for a few levels before you decide whether or not it will work for you. If you keep switching, you'll never get the full good of the game and more importantly, you won't give your body the chance take in the changes and react to them.

There's something out there for everyone so if you're interested in getting your health in order, don't let someone else's "insane" program be an excuse for you not to try. Choose your own adventure, find a "class" you love, and start playing the game. Take it level by level and if you need to play "casual," then do that. Rome wasn't built in a day and the new you won't be either.

I'm trying to keep that in mind as my weight loss slows. I had a weigh in today and I only lost .4 lbs this week. It was a let down considering how hard I've been working and all the good choices I made during the week, but at least the scale didn't go up. I just need to stay focused and try to enjoy the physical things I'm doing, like Zombies, Run! 5k training (which is so fun that I think I might cry!), Yoga, and watching my favorite season of Xena on the elliptical. The weight will come off when it's ready. Patience, young padawan.

Loose Skin

Lately, there's been a lot of this going on in my life.

"Do you have loose skin? What are you going to do about it?"
"Are you calling me a whore?"

And then it's either funny or awkward and I imagine this interchange from Firefly.

In any case, I've had loose skin on the brain and to some extent, sadly on my body. Loose skin can sometimes occur after rapid/extreme weight loss as the fat is burned and the elasticity of the skin doesn't have time to readjust. My journey hasn't been so extreme but in 7 months, I've lost about 85 lbs, which is just over 3 lbs a week. I've mostly noticed it in my chest area and my inner thighs, but I'm sure I'll see more evidence as I progress towards my goal. 

A lot of people get surgery to correct this issue. Loose skin is not only unflattering, but it can also be argued that it gets in the way of exercise and can keep you from reaching your full potential as an athlete. For me, it's currently vanity that's the issue. My skin doesn't get in the way of my workouts, though I can feel some extra bounce in my bum and thighs. However, it's not so extreme that it discourages me from going to the gym. I've noticed certain things just seem a little deflated or that from specific angles, there's drooping that wasn't there before. Weirdly, I can see it a lot in my arms and armpits. Guys. I have saggy armpits. What does that even MEAN? Ugh. I try not to focus on it too much because over all, I'm feeling pretty fantastic about my progress. 

Having just been under the knife for my gallbladder removal, I'm not too keen on having another surgery any time soon. I also have 40 more pounds to lose before I'm at a healthy weight and I would really like to attain that goal and maintain my weight loss for about six months before I make any final decisions. 

Why six months? I'm young and although I've been overweight for most of my life, my body will be more forgiving than if I were older. I've heard that it takes about six months for your body to adjust to major physical change, so that's why I chose that amount of time.

It's also a matter of health insurance. If the procedure were purely seen as vanity, my insurance might not cover it. If I wait six months and then decide that surgery is something I really want to pursue, I can say that I've lived with the issue for 6 months, managed to keep the weight off, and I need to get the surgery to help me improve/intensify my fitness level. 

So that's my plan- reach my goal, maintain a healthy weight for six months. and then reassess the skin situation and go from there. I'd love to hear from anyone else who is dealing with this issue or has any concerns or advice so feel free to comment!

Exit Strategy

If you measure my weight loss on the Princess Leia scale, I'm Leia in Boushh's armor rescuing Han Solo from Jabba's palace at the beginning of Return of the Jedi. In layman's terms, I'm just entering the last third of my journey and a lot of people have been asking me about what I'm going to do when I'm "done." 

Hell, from where I sit, I still have to don a metal bikini, befriend the Ewoks, learn Luke is actually my brother, and restore peace to the galaxy. I guess other people see me as "approaching the finish line" even though I still see a whole lot of work still to be done. I'm not ready to leave Nutrisystem yet, but I do plan to when I reach my goal. It's been well worth the expense but it's not at all realistic for me to continue to pay for the program for any longer than I need to. Many of the Nutrisystem naysayers think the program is unsustainable for this very reason; Sure, it's easy to execute, but do you learn enough about nutrition and portion sizes to maintain your weightloss after you're off the program?

No matter what your system is (Weight Watchers, Paleo, South Beach, Seattle Sutton, etc), it's your responsibility to learn about the program and why it's working for you. If you don't, you WILL gain the weight back. This is not a process that just ends when you "Ding" your goal weight on the scale and reach max level. It's a lifelong education and you owe it to yourself to put in the time and effort to ensure continued success. If you leave it till the last second, sooner or later temptation and lack of knowledge will find a way to lead you right down the old path you were on before you started.

That's why I've started educating myself now, rather then at the end of the program. Here's some advice I've picked up along the way.

• You need to read the labels on your food and look at the ingredients. It's not just about calories, it's about content.
• If there's something that's easy to make on your program, like oatmeal, or a healthier desert that you really like, start looking for an equivalent. For example, I found low-sugar-low-fat Quaker Oatmeal in Maple Brown Sugar and Apple Cinnamon for a breakfast that's similar to Nutrisystem's versions of the same product. I also found UNREAL: Candy Unjunked at my local CVS. They basically make candy with lower sugar, no corn syrup, no partially hydrogenated oil, no artificial ingredients, no preservatives, and low glycemic index. Their Milky Way equivalent has the same amount of sugar as an apple and is only 170 calories, as opposed to 270 in an actual Milky Way. In addition, I'll be replacing my lunch bars at work with Luna bars. 
• You need to look at what proper portions are and find a way to help you measure them once it's not being done for you. Invest money in measuring cups/spoons and invest time in using them for anything from measuring rice to salad dressing. 
• If you're on Weight Watchers, you need to look at WHY certain foods are worth more than others. Even within that system, there are things that are way better for you than others and it's nice to know why because it can help you make informed decisions when under pressure. Don't just follow your chosen program blindly.
• No matter what you're doing, you'll have to learn how to cook sooner or later if you want to live in a healthier more cost effective way. My nutritionist gave me a copy of Integrative Nutrition which is full of advice on how to fuel your body and includes a lot of yummy recipes. If there's something you like on your "prepackaged food" diet, learn how to make it so when you're done with the program you won't feel like you've been left high and dry.

Personally, I'm going to take it in strides. I've learned a lot, but I'm hardly an expert and I have a long way to go. My plan is to get on Weight Watchers when I get to maintenance so that I still have a general measurement system for planning my daily food that doesn't rely solely on calories (since I hate that). Their program definitely allows for increased flexibility as far as eating out goes it converts your workouts into more "points" to use for your day- something you'll definitely want to take advantage of in maintenance. I'm finding some great equivalents for the foods I enjoy on Nutrisystem, either in the store or by learning to cook them, and I'm starting to give myself fitness goals as well as scale goals so I can stay motivated after I reach my weightloss goal. The key here is to be specific, i.e. I'd like to be able to run a 5k or I'd like to be able to stay in a shoulder stand during yoga for 10 minutes and not "I want to run. Spinning might be fun."

So that's where I am! What are you doing to ensure your continued success after you reach your goal? I'd love to hear any advice in the comments!