Friday, October 19, 2012

Behold Them!

Pinup Art - Felicia Day as the Naughty Fairy from The Legend of Neil - Close Up

Well, not so much "them" as me!

Yesterday I had one of those surreal days where everyone I saw remarked on my weightloss.

At work, I have to wear an ugly maroon tuxedo, so it's sort of hard for my co-workers to see the difference cause at this point I've lost 45 lbs and I'm still swimming in the same uniform because I'm waiting to replace it till I absolutely have to. Well I got in today and everyone was hanging out in their street clothes and I had my hair back and everyone's jaws dropped cause I guess my face is more defined and I was wearing more form fitting clothing. It was the talk of the town all day. It felt really good to get encouragement from my co-workers and to have them comment on how far I've come in my journey since I really have been sticking with it. 

I've also noticed that when I finish giving a tour, I get tips almost every time. I used to get tipped once every few days and now it's almost every single tour with the exception of school groups. My tour hasn't changed-just my body. I'm the same person giving the same tour, just 45 lbs thinner. I know I'm reaping the benefits now, but there's an aspect of this that makes me a bit mad at the way society works. Does anyone else think about this stuff? I'm really bothered by it. I hated the way I looked before but I still loved MYSELF/was proud of the work that I did and I think it's really sad that this kind of thing can make such a drastic difference in the way people see you/respect you professionally. 

Anyways, I went over to one of my best friend's houses to play video games and hang out last night and we happened to be riding the same train on the way there from our separate workplaces. He said he did a double take when he saw me (even though he's seen me steadily throughout this process). He said that the difference was very marked in my face and of course the rest of me as well. He has been really supportive of me this whole time, so I was shocked that I surprised him since he always sees me. 

The point of this blog is to express how awesome it feels to have people take notice of your progress, especially when you feel like things are slowing down or when you feel yucky about yourself despite your progress. I know that most of these people loved and respected me before the weightloss, but I also wanted to ask all of you about whether "weight" profiling still bothers or frustrates any of you? It makes me very uncomfortable and I know it's something that I cannot control, so I should just let it go... but it makes me so sad. Being fat doesn't mean you're dumb or worthless, or that you're any worse at your job than anyone else (unless you physically can't perform what's asked of you). Anyone have thoughts or ways you've been able to get over this aspect of accepting the changes in your body?


  1. Kind of OT, but your post made me think of htis: When I lost a bunch of weight after college, everyone noticed. Everyone complimented. When I gained most of it back since starting my current, cushier job, "no one" noticed. The double-standard in that lie bothers me. If you notice when someone loses weight (and your friends are correct, the face is one of the first places to show it), how does any gained weight go "unnoticed?" It's probably a lie meant to shield my feelings, but ultimately it makes me distrust them.

    and for on-topic: I currently am a receptionist on a team of 14, and most of us are women. The prettier ones get (sometimes uncomfortably) flirted at by guests, or joked with. Since gaining back my weight, this happens significantly less to me. Perhaps a perk? I don't like uncomfortably joking with guests - they're allowed to say things we aren't.

    1. It's definitely true, but I think it's also "taboo" to mention it to someone when they gain weight because it's a personal remark that could be misconstrued as an insult, rather than with weight loss which people almost always mean as a compliment. I will admit that have a hard time recognizing gain in myself until I see a photo. Then again I have a bit of body dysphoria and when I look in the mirror, it's a lot harder to see gains or losses than it might be for other people. Out of curiosity, would you want someone to point it out if you gained wait? I only have a few close friends that I would want to say something like that if I fell off the wagon.

      Uncomfortable joking is always weird and awkward, I agree. The only time it bothers me is when "fit" people get preferential treatment for the same position. For instance, I was replaced as the receptionist at a prominent PR company because they wanted a better "face" at the front desk and they hired a whole slew of attractive dancers, WHO THEY SUBSEQUENTLY ASKED ME TO TRAIN before I left. They came in with almost no skills aside from sitting there and looking nice, whereas I was a great typist, detail oriented, great presentation booklet organizer, and had pretty good graphic design skills that many of the reps came to me for. On some level, it goes to show how important "first impressions" are to people. On another, I'm still mad about it.

    2. Wow, that's really gross of them to do that to you.

      As to your question, no I don't think I'd enjoy being told I've gained weight, but ... I'm pretty candid and I like to deal in reality, so I do talk about it, and when everyone insists to me that they haven't noticed or can't tell ... it bothers me, because I don't believe them. They can say "you look fine" or "it doesn't matter," and I'll accept those, but telling me they can't see a difference when I've gained 30 pounds is a lie.

      In any event, your blog is a real inspiration, and I should hop back on that wagon myself. I miss wearing those dresses I bought when I was skinnier.

    3. I can definitely see where you're coming from. I remember when I first started this quest, I showed some pictures of myself at my lightest to some friends and they were like, "I don't really see a difference." I was over 100 lbs heavier! I think we sort of surpress that stuff from time to time, either consciously or subconsciously. No one wants to face their friends and see the negative, but if I asked someone an opinion on that, I'd want to hear the truth- and maybe even some advice! Hehe. :) I'm glad you're enjoying the blog! I'm enjoying publishing and writing it. Soooo many backlogged posts and I've continued to write newer current ones on my days off. Glad to have the extra material though so I can keep content rolling out every day. :) Deciding to get in shape and use my fandoms as inspiration is the greatest decision I've ever made so I hope you find success in reaching your goal!