Monday, October 22, 2012

Overeating vs. Gym Defeating

Well today is weigh-in day and i'm down 3.6 lbs from last week, which is very significant to me because it's been a rough week emotionally speaking. I won't get into the details but I've been having problems in my relationship and it's really been dragging me down. I have barely slept this past week and my energy level has been really low.

I'm an overthinker. I try to think of every possible scenario for a problem to play out so that I'll be prepared for whatever pain or struggle I'll have to endure. Normally, this "thinking" and nerve-wracking heartache is accompanied by chocolate, ice-cream, and all sorts of other delicious, comforting yum-yums. In the past I would have binged on that stuff without a second thought. It would have been so second nature that I wouldn't have even considered the abuse I was putting my body through at the time.

Yet, as hard as the last week has been, I haven't done that. There have definitely been times when I wished for a bowl of icecream or a bag of Halloween candy that's on sale at the corner store, but I haven't taken the bait. 

In fact, I think I might be becoming one of those people who takes out their frustrations at the gym, which frankly has shocked the hell out of me. I've done a lot of that over thinking on the elliptical machine instead of on the couch with candy. It's even given me a chance to pump myself up for confrontations and take out my aggression about things that have hurt me in a way that doesn't hurt other people. It boils down to working out giving me a sense of self confidence. The gym is the only place that is completely about me- me being selfish about what I need and what I want for my life and my future. Because of that headspace, I've been able to get in touch with my more selfish emotions and desires without feeling the need to apologize for them. It's not a perfect system, but I am noticing that my coping mechanisms are changing.

I'm not in a place where I can definitively say that one of these coping mechanisms works better than the other, but I can at least say that I've made the healthier choice and stayed on track with my journey rather than letting myself get derailed. So as difficult as things are right now, I can be proud of that. 

Personally, I'm hoping I'll get into the 100s this week or next. One-derland is CALLING ME! Hopefully I can continue to keep my nose to the grindstone and get it done despite whatever else is happening in my life.

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