That's a Lot of Hair

Everyone has been commenting on how long my hair has gotten. I have nice hair and all, but damn. It really is engulfing me at this point. I think I used to hide behind my hair and makeup to a certain extent. Those were things I didn't have to work at that I felt were naturally beautiful about myself- a very short list to be certain! I wanted my hair to be long because I could use it to pull around my face and camouflage how big my shoulders and neck were as well as how undefined my features had become. I used my makeup to define the features I liked and I put a lot of effort into eye makeup. It was as if I was saying, "LOOK HERE. DON'T LOOK ANYWHERE ELSE. GOD HELP YOU IF YOU LOOK ANYWHERE ELSE." It makes me laugh when I think about it now. 

At this point, I don't feel like I need to hide. As my mom put it, "You need to make sure your outer you matches the amount of effort you put into making it what it is." Maybe that's a little vain, but when you work in entertainment like I do, it's especially important to have a sense of style about you and to put your best foot forward. First impressions are important, and for me, they can make or break me when it comes to entering an audition room. I'm not saying I'm blowing out my hair and doing elaborate makeup every day, but I put a lot more thought into how I walk out into the world now because I feel like it's worth it. I try to wear clothes that fit and to dress up a little if I'm going out. I'll never not prioritize being comfortable, but there are ways to be comfortable and look like you give a damn. Before, I did "whatever" because I figured there was nothing I could do to salvage the whole mess anyways so why even try? I think I was doing myself a disservice in so many ways. If I had cared more about how I looked, I might have cared more about my health. The truth is, I care about both of those things now- though obviously my priority is treating my body with care and love rather than self destruction and rejection. I really feel like that dichotomy is finally shifting inside of me in a really  meaningful and positive way. 

So with all that in mind, I decided to go get a haircut today! If I had my druthers, I would have done something dramatic about the color, but one step at a time. I don't want to erase past-me just because I'm changing so drastically. And yet, after liking my white wig at New York Comic Con so much, I've been considering going super white platinum blond like Daenerys from Game of Thrones. It would be a MONUMENTAL change so I'm not about to jump into it blindly. I've heard that color might be really hard to maintain, but the stylist who I worked with today made it sound like it wouldn't be that hard for me because my roots are really light. I thought I had pretty dark hair, but it's possible my hair has been changing color and I just didn't know since I just keep recoloring it red. At any rate, first step, shorter hair and less broken dry messiness! Let me know what you think!

Before

After

It's My Birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday and my weigh in day! I can proudly say that not only am I 27, but I've FINALLY broken into the 180s! Over 60 lbs down and so many aches, pains, and swollen feet eliminated. Needless to say there was much celebration on all accounts. I was surrounded by friends I love and we laughed the night away playing on the WiiU and carousing till the wee hours of the night. I can't believe how far I've come in such a short time and to top it off, I'm nearly halfway to my goal weight! Just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other :)

As far as eating for the day, I pretty much had breakfast, my coffee with skim milk and Splenda and then had low sodium ramen for dinner and the fattest most delicious cake known to man. My best friend made me a Mint chocolate Icecream cake. People. This cake. Holy frak. So good, but here's why I fasted for the day: This cake= two layers chocolate cake, a middle layer of mint chip Oreo fudge swirl ice cream, and thin mint/dark chocolate icing. It was my birthday, so I can hardly be faulted for the indulgence, but clearly I didn't want to derail my progress completely- hence the fasting. WORTH IT. Heehee! I weighed myself this morning out of curiosity and I'm down half a pound so that worked out nicely! Now it's back to the plan and full steam ahead. No cheating till Christmas!

Lately I've been down on myself about this plateau I've been trying to push myself over and at the recommendation of friends both on Nutrisystem AND in my everyday life, I've been doing my best to find other ways to measure my achievements in weightloss besides the scale. I really think it's one of the healthiest things I've done in this whole program. I got out my measuring tape as so many of your comments suggested, I really tried to challenge myself at the gym to see how far my fitness level has come, and of course I kept track of comments made by friends and coworkers. Sometimes when we don't believe in ourselves, someone else comes along who does.

I work at Radio City Music Hall, and let me just say, when a Rockette doesn't recognize you at first and then says, "OH MY GOD Anne! You look incredible!" while dripping with 3,000 Swarovski crystals and glowing with glamor for the Christmas Spectacular, it feels pretty damn good! Someone else at work mistook me for a skinny co-worker and then was surprised to find it was me. I've also received a bunch of Facebook messages and Tweets from people who have been inspired to make a commitment to their own fitness and health because of what I'm doing- many congratulatory, but some calling me an inspiration! That seems so nuts to me, but it feels really good to know that what I'm doing for myself is helping other people face the same struggle we're all dealing with. It's always nice to know that you're having a positive effect on people and I'm grateful for that.