Where the Hell Have I Been?

I'm sure a lot of Slayers have been wondering where I went or why. It has been so rewarding to share my successes with you all since I started posting, but last year, just around Christmas, I started to feel like a real failure, and not just with health.

Oddly enough, it was at that time that I got a really great paid gig to teach theater/voice at my alma mater, Tabor Academy for a limited time during the course of their Winter Musical rehearsal process for Legally Blonde. The experience was incredible. The kids were so committed and spectacular. It was a real Anna from Frozen "For the First Time in Forever" moment. By that, I mean I had been struggling to find a place for myself when it came to the performing arts since college and especially after the majority of my weight loss. Sure I was exercising my creativity through cosplay, but I wasn't necessarily doing what I had intended to do with my BFA in theater from Tisch School of the Arts. I wanted to perform and to coach others and getting to do that and getting PAID to do it gave me both a thrill and also the sense that I'd been waisting my time with excuses for a too long.

For all my claiming that "my major physique change" made my resume look ridiculous and my reel material unusable, I realized that I had actually been fearing whether people would even accept the "new me" professionally. I'd played the butch lesbian and the ridiculous and ridiculed fatty for so long that I didn't really know how to type cast myself and go out for roles anymore. Getting to work with the kids at Tabor and share my wealth of knowledge and experience with them should have made me feel better about what I was doing with my life, but it actually made me feel worse because I realized I should have been searching endlessly for jobs like that all the time instead of becoming an artistic cripple in hibernation waiting until she became a butterfly.

On top of that, my day job became really soul crushing during the holidays. It's our busiest time of year and it is basically a customer service job, even though my title is Tour Guide. It's a lot of traffic and a lot of pressure to make the holidays happen for thousands of people in the course of 7 weeks and it really took it's toll on me. It's not that I hate my job. I actually enjoy it. I just suffer, as anyone would, from dealing with all the negative aspects of providing good customer service to patrons flowing in on an unbelievably relentless scale. By the time the New Year came, I just wanted to go to sleep FOREVER.

So yeah. Cue the self loathing. And then cue the relationship problems. I'll spare you the details, but for the second year in a row, I felt let down by my significant other when it came to being present during the holidays. It's really hard during that time of year because I am so beset by problems at work that I'm not always the best partner either during that time. The anxiety and frustration with each other just accumulated at a crazy rate. With all the stress and the previous year of denying myself holiday treats, I decided to say, for lack of a better phrase, "Fuck it." I was going to enjoy the treats of the holidays when they were offered and I was going to enjoy the food. I didn't gain a lot, but I did gain the holiday weight we all dread.

These negative nutritional changes also followed a few episodes of fainting at work while doing a Whole30. I felt like a complete failure and like this system that I really enjoyed wasn't going to work for me. The high fat was a lot for my gal bladderless body to handle and there were a lot of factors but in the end, my disappointment was another thing that led to my "Fuck it" behavior. I can actually remember the exact moment. I had gotten woozy for the second time at work and my boss handed me a corn muffin and practically demanded that I eat it. That was it. After that, the age of "Fuck It" was upon me.

I decided my New Years resolution was going to be "Don't work for free anymore." Any artist will tell you that making that decision is a HARROWING moment. People tell you all the time "You may never work again if you do that." I decided that I had wasted a lot of time on theater companies that wanted more than just my acting skills and who demanded a lot from me while giving almost nothing in return. It's natural to think that those projects may get you in the front door when those directors get in a position to offer pay checks to their performers. What I'll say is that the one time that happened for me, I NEVER GOT PAID A SINGLE DIME despite having a contract because the director didn't have anyone advising him on the financial side of doing shows and he ended up making promises he couldn't keep- including promising us a certain amount and then getting the cast to take a pay cut so that he could pay the people coming in from Jersey and Long Island more money. How is that my fault? Why should I be penalized? I digress. These are old festering wounds in the form of lessons that taught me to choose carefully who you work with, to make sure the work is paid, and to accept that this may mean taking less work than usual. Frankly, doing all of those projects was keeping me from even attempting to find paid work.

My relationship nearly crumbled at the beginning of February resulting in a lonely Valentine's Day and a lot of stress due to some health scares that I don't want to get into. Suffice to say I was completely rattled. I felt alone. Instead of pumping myself up at the gym, I went less and less. That's not to say that I was completely sedentary, but it IS to say that I got heavily into MMO's again and my obsession caused me to cook less and less and order out more and more.

As my boyfriend and I tried to mend the shambling corpse of our relationship, I attempted my biggest cosplay feat to date. I will always treasure my Daughters of the Eyrewood costume and the experience I got to have at PAX East 2014 because of it. I'm a huge Penny Arcade and I love those guys to death and I love their Eyrewood Adventures most of all. As you can see in our interview video with Nerd Caliber below, we ended up running into Mike Krahulik/Gabe, the artist who created our characters, and he invited us to play test his new game Thornwatch with the PA crew that night. He also showed off our costumes during his panel on the game. It was honestly just the best reception to a costume that I've ever had. To have your work truly appreciated by the original artist and to get to share the experience with them is really incredible. This was my first costume that I can say I completely made myself, minus my shirt, and it was the first costume that I used my new sewing machine on. It was also my first time wiring LED's into a costume. If Mike hadn't invited us to the play test, we never would have made it there because we got mobbed for photos all the time, something that really surprised me because these characters are so obscure. I think anyone who knows about the Eyrewood loves it immediately and I also think having costumes that light up, really rakes in the attention, FYI. This experience did a lot to repair the relationship issues that my boyfriend and I had been having and we really treasured and continue to treasure this experience. We got so close as we experienced our dream of what the best PAX ever could be and no matter what has happened since, I don't think we'll ever be able to top it.

We even got featured on the front page of Penny Arcade in Mike's post about the Thornwatch playtest at PAX East. Guys, when this game comes out I'm gonna run it for ALL THE PEOPLE ANY TIME ANYONE WILL LET ME. It's so badass I can't even. I cannot. Even.

Then I went to Italy, which honestly started out very physically. I hiked every high altitude path connecting the beautiful towns of Cinque Terre with my parents and my friend Passion, who happened to be visiting at the same time. These hikes were super challenging, but I was really glad to see that I could do them because I don't think I would have enjoyed the experience as much at 250 lbs. It was stunning and I felt great for the beginning of our three week trip. It's not that hard to eat healthy in Italy if one avoids pasta. I managed to do that for a while, but then the gnocchi devil got a hold of me near the end of the trip and I put on everything I lost on the mountainsides of North Italy. Also wine. I drank lots of wine with dinner because Italy. Sorry not sorry about that one. It was vacation.

The only problem was, I didn't really get back on track when I came home.

Photo by Adam Jason Photography

Photo by Ron Frary

I auditioned for and got a role in the New York Renaissance Faire as a part of the Sirens of Sterling, an all female six lady a capella group. I feel so blessed to have had this experience. I am in awe of my fellow cast mates and their improvisational and stage combat skills. We all had so much to learn from each other and I made friends that I really hope last a life time. It was also nice to know that I could still work creatively and get paid for it. Huzzah, indeed! On the flipside, I made a lot of poor food choices because I was walking, skipping, and May Pole Dancing for a distance of about 20 miles every weekend according to the pedometer I kept hidden in my waist pouch. I drank plenty of alcohol to lull myself to sleep in the freezing campgrounds and I made the most of the treats on site, including delicious morning pastries and Butterbeer once a weekend. Suffice to say, I may have overestimated how many calories I could burn in a weekend and I certainly wasn't keeping track.

Then, the coup de grace. My boyfriend of two years decided to move in with me after hemming and hawing for about nine months about where our relationship was going. He took two months to prepare for the actual move in. Every time I asked if he was ready, he made an excuse. He was going through a lot of life changes at the time so I didn't pressure him. I was trying to be understanding. After a while, I finally felt like there was something wrong. He admitted to me finally that he didn't want to move in and that he felt like his feelings for me had changed and that I didn't have my life together amongst many other complaints. In a fireball of shock and pain, I relied on my friends, new and old to get me through the last weekend of faire and upon my return, he landed his final blow and we broke up. Words cannot express how sad I still am and how worthless I feel all the time. It doesn't seem matter at all to my self esteem that I'm still acquiring paid creative gigs both as a performer, teacher, and through cosplay commissions. I still feel his doubt in me hammering away at everything I accomplish and it makes me wonder why I wasn't good enough? I should know that I am enough and that it just wasn't meant to be, but as anyone who has suffered through something like this will tell you, it's easy to question yourself even if you know you shouldn't. I have to accept that what he said was his truth and we're damn well better off apart if he feels that way.

I've gotten so much support from my friends and I feel like such a drag for still being sad, despite a month having passed. I feel like I owe it to everyone to try and pick up the pieces and get myself back to normal because they've put so much time and energy into making sure I'm going to be ok. They've cuddled me and counseled me until they were blue in the face and it has been so appreciated. I still sort of don't know how to be single. I've tried going on some dates just to help myself move on, but it just feels so pointless. I'm ready for the real deal and I'm ready to be appreciated and supported by someone who's all in (Thanks new Gilmore Girls obsession), and to give that to a partner in return. All of this dating BS is horrific and I just can't seem to let go and have a good time. It's hard to even have fun because I don't want to just "have fun." I want something real. It's a vicious cycle of convincing myself to take a chance, followed by a sadness spiral that I'll never find what I'm looking for, followed by telling myself not to look and just let things happen, followed by crippling loneliness. The hole in my heart makes me feel like someone died. I guess the person I thought my boyfriend was did die when he let me down. I know that seems over dramatic but that's just how it feels right now. Going from feeling like you're finally about to take that next big step with someone to losing them and having them tell you all your failings have made you less attractive to them is a real shock to the system. I know I'm strong and I can get over anything, but this really does feel like an insurmountable tragedy. I don't know how to go on. I suppose only time will help heal that.

I know this is post is super emo, but it's really just meant to honestly share with you all what my deteriorating mental state has become. I'm not that girl who ran a half marathon right now. I'm not Rainbow Dash. I'm not the elf rogue. I'm not any of those strong people I was transforming myself into for so long and it hurts so much to see myself in such a horrible light. I feel confused and lost. I feel restless. I feel like the problems won't go away. I just want to do something crazy and pick up my life and move across the country to LA or Seattle and just start over. In my heart, I know I'd just be trying to run away from what's gotten lodged inside me- which you can't run from anyways because it's an inside problem. Also bills. Jesus. New York is SO EXPENSIVE. I think sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can get your ass in gear to make good choices and that's sort of what this ticking down of events felt like. The contrast of seeing a better life for myself creatively mingled with the grief from the loss of someone who I thought was my biggest champion and the slow deterioration of my health is just crushing me and I need to get myself back in order. There are things you can't control in life and there are things you can battle. I chose my health long ago and I'm realizing that no matter what, I can keep choosing it, and in fact, I'll have to keep choosing it.

I started at New York Comic Con by focusing not a cosplay character who I felt would help me physically, but one who would help me mentally. I had to start getting myself out of the dumps. I chose to work on Pinkie Pie because I needed desperately to feel happy during my first cosplay/con experience since losing my boyfriend and cosplay partner in crime. It definitely wasn't my best received costume, but it is a start. I made a lot of people smile, true to Pinkie's style, and I discovered that despite my inner pain, I could still have fun, which was a big relief in a lot of ways. I still missed my ex, but I relearned how to experience a convention with friends and even by myself from time to time. It wasn't so bad. I saw a lot of really cool things and all the other costume artisans inspired me to step up my game for PAX East. I haven't made any final decisions on what I'm doing, but it may be Star Wars themed. More on that later.

For now, one hoof at a time.

Day 4 Food Log
Eggs, Bacon, Onion, Peppers, Mushrooms
Espresso, Almond Milk, Stevia

Chicken
Sautéed Onion, Peppers, Mushrooms
Salad
Balsamic Vinegar and Olive Oil.

Pistachio, Cranberry, Agave bar
Banana

Day 2 of Transition

Breakfast
Handful of Cashews
Banana
Bacon
Tea with Stevia and Almond Milk

Lunch
Cashews
Dried Mango
Pistachio, Dried Cranberry, and Agave Bar

Snack
Green Juice made with Kale, Agave, Lemon, Apple, and Cucumber

Dinner
Salad with carrots, tomato, balsamic
Steak
Margherita

So yeah. I had a margherita. Not exactly Paleo even a little bit but it was one drink out with friends so I'm not going to sweat it.

BTW. Green juice is kinda gross. I'll put spinach in ANY smoothie but guys. SO GROSS.

There and Back Again

In an effort to refocus this blog more on my personal goals and to get back into the swing of things, I've developed a plan. When I was eating Paleo, the biggest question I got was, "How? Just how could you do it? What do you eat then?"

So in a nutshell, that's what I'll be doing here, whilst also giving you some insight into my goings on in my life.

All I can really say is that in the last year I've been through a lot of stuff that has had some less than positive effects on my health and my relationship to it, but that's a battle we all face daily for the rest of our lives. You can't fail if you keep trying, so here I am; An emotionally broken, more artistically successful, and slightly plumper me trying to navigate whatever this new reality is with a little bit of dignity.

Today I did alright. I hadn't done all my shopping at the beginning of the day so I sort of made do with whatever was around until dinner time. Also I was distracted by catching up on Legend of Korra and Outlander. Sue me.

Today's log:

Breakfast
Mango/Banana Smoothie

Lunch
Mango/Banana Smoothie
Eggs

Dinner
Steak marinated in EVOO and Balsamic Vinegar
Salad with sauteed onion and sweet pepper

Cranberry/Pistachio/Agave Bar

Train Like a Pokemon

Twixie09

Some people are Charmanders. They naturally evolve through their health journey as they go. The gravitate towards eating right from a young age. They get into sports early and continue to live actively. Genetics favors them with fast metabolisms and high dexterity scores. It's not to say they don't have to train in order to stay fit and eat well to keep weight off, but their evolution is a natural result of moving through life's experiences. I'm definitely not one of these people. 

Other Pokemon are harder to evolve, just like people. It takes a special combination of elements before we can morph and strengthen into the best version of ourselves.

For instance, when evolving Inkay, the players has to hold the controller upside down when he levels. This makes me think of my own journey. Simply being healthier wasn't enough motivation for me to commit to an overhaul of my eating and activity habits. For me, I had to work from the inside out. I found motivation in how mentally damaging allowing myself to continue living life on the sidelines was becoming. I found inspiration within the characters I love and my ability to portray them at fan conventions. I found Paleo and discovered a love of running and bodyweight circuits. All of the benefits I've created for myself came from a change in mentality more than a simple physical overhaul. 

Kirawra

Then there are those, for whom one evolution is never enough. Take Evee, for example. In her base evolution, she's pretty simple (AND ADORABLE!), but she's a jack of all trades when it comes to evolution. She could grow up to be a fairy, flame, electric, brass, water, ice, psychic or dark type Pokemon depending on how she trains. Some people are lucky to be blessed with this kind of body- one that gives them a lot of different options as far as physical activities and hobbies. They're injury free and naturally take on any physical challenge from rock climbing to marathons. Switching between methods of training is as easy for them as changing the channel. However, we can all take one lesson from Evee. Don't settle for just one routine workout. It's self limiting! You could have tons of other strengths hidden inside you. Even if you find that all these evolutions aren't your favorite, you'll never get bored. Keep trying new things. Run a Tough Mudder, try a dance class, or ask a person trainer at your gym to get you set up in the weight section. Don't settle for one evolution. You might find out you have a lot more potential! 

It's important to remember that while women and men seem to evolve differently, it's purely cosmetic. Similarly, there's no difference between a male and female Pyroar aside from how they look. Sure, male and female metabolisms are different and how our bodies are put together creates separate challenges for us, but on the whole we can work on any physical task that the opposite sex can perform. Women lift heavy just like men. Men let their hair down and take Zumba classes. We might look different, but we can use the same skills and we can take up the same challenges. Sure, each gender has it's own set of physical boons and limitations, but generally, we are all capable of the same challenges. Just because the crossfit gym is full of dudes, don't let that keep you from signing up for a free class ladies. And gentleman, if that ballroom dancing studio you pass by on your way home from work seems like fun, just go for it!

There are also folks who are just waiting for the right person to come into their life to inspire or motivate them. I was lucky enough to have a few friends whose journeys made my challenge seem possible and that really helped me kick in the door when it came to simply getting started. However, it can also be useful to surround yourself with other people who are continually focused on their own self improvement. For example, Karrablast and Shelmet need each other to evolve. They have to be traded between Pokemon trainers and as they are, they gain attributes from the other so that they can strengthen and change. Karrablast, an uninspired bug gains Shelmet's armor and becomes a tanky knight called Escavalier while the snail part of Shellmet gains the freedom of losing his armor and becomes a dextrous and speedy ninja named Accelgor. The fact is that sometimes we aren't enough on our own. We need inspiration to feed our will to persevere through challenges. That's why I always encourage the Slayers to find their fellowship and take their health journey together. If you partner up, someone will always be there to motivate you when you stumble or to cheer you on when you need to commemorate your achievements. It's dangerous to go alone! 

Train like a Pokemon. If you're not evolving, then maybe it's time to try another method. Try something new at the gym, find a friend, or look inside yourself to discover what will truly motivate you to change what's outside. Get out there and evolve in your own unique, special way!

Bigger On The Inside

Every man is a Tardis; defined by a rigid structure on the outside and containing infinite possibilities within. I think the most common misperception about weight loss is that it's a physical act. You move your body, you eat the right food, and then your results happen. 

Yes, the Tardis travels, but it's what's inside that gets it from place to place. 

More important than your physical ability to become more athletic and active is the decision to take the first step, the second, and so on. It takes a strength of mind and sense of vigilant determination that I'm not sure everyone is ready to deal with, especially if what you're seeking is a major transformation. 

Losing 100 lbs took a little under a year for me and in that year, my size wasn't the only thing that changed. It was a little bit like regenerating. I discovered I had a "fighting hand." I confronted my demons, I stood up for myself when I felt I was being mistreated, and when I made mistakes I fought to get back on track. Those were not things that were a part of my personality before hand, but they feel like a second skin now. 

The fact is that life is going to hand you a lot of distractions that fall outside of your rigid little plan of action. During the last year, I had to constantly ask and remind myself why I was putting myself through it. I reminded myself of all the things I was rejecting from my life and why. I had to get in touch with why I was worth getting up at 6AM to run, why my decision to not enjoy Holiday season treats along with everyone else for one year was a necessary step, and why I should keep exposing myself to new workouts, and nutrition knowledge despite being comfy with my routine. I got in touch with what I wanted. I wanted to be able to go to the doctor and not have my weight be an issue. I wanted to cosplay with confidence. I wanted to be able to experience a more physical body. I wanted to salvage a chance at a career in the entertainment industry. I wanted to be proud of every part of myself and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I live without regrets. 

What you want can change, but it's important to keep revisiting it or you'll lose direction and focus. Hell I wanted to be an astronaut more than ANYTHING when I was younger. I still want it, but it was unrealistic given my complete lack of mathematical prowess. It felt like an earth shattering regeneration when I realized I needed to look somewhere else for a goal and drive, but it's what has made me who I am today and it got me in touch with my more natural inclinations and talents as a story teller and as a performer. I'm sure I'll face a ton of wibbly wobbly timey wimey transformations throughout my life as I learn more specifically what I want, but as long as I keep asking the question, I think I'll get where I'm going. 

When it comes to your health, keep asking yourself what you want. Don't be afraid to change things up as long as you keep traveling. Don't be afraid to end up in the wrong place and learn from it. Don't be afraid when you see your personality changing along with your physical body. Don't be afraid of the destination when you arrive. 

Don't blink. Not because of the angels, but because if you do, you might miss all the fantastic nuances of the journey you're on. You won't remember the number on the scale as much as you'll remember everything you learned on the way there. That's what will keep you traveling in the end. 

The Only Way to Fail Is to Give Up

Photo by G. Edwards Photography

This past weekend at New York Comic Con was a ton of fun for a lot of reasons, but there was something that happened which reminded me of how far I've come in the last year and it's a sentiment that I think everyone should try to incorporate into their lives.

As you all know, I spent over 120 hours in the last month making my Dragon Age costume for Comic Con. I learned a whole new set of skills. I spent a lot of money, sweat, tears, and passion on creating my Tallis costume for NYCC. I carefully tested everything out before the event and wore the armor around the house for a few hours so I could make adjustments for comfort and fit. I was ready.

I wouldn't find out how sadly mistaken I was till the morning of the con on Friday. My friend had done my hair and make-up, another had helped apply my ears, and yet another was on hand to help me get suited up. I had a support team of champions at the ready to help me look my best. I'd done a Whole30 leading up to day of the con to slim down a little. Well, apparently I slimmed down more than a little. When I pulled on the leg guards, they immediately slid down my legs. I couldn't take a step without them falling down around my ankles. The more that happened, the more they started to destroy my boot covers. When I was going to the bag check the bag ripped my choker apart somehow. It was like watching Vesuvius destroy Pompeii. The pieces of the puzzle were all there, but they were losing functionality by the second. I really just wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Not only had I made this costume for me, but I made it so that I could have an immediate "in" for starting conversations with people and telling them about this site and my mission to help my fellow geeks get what they want out of life, whether that's getting healthy, getting into cosplay, or just chasing after their life goals. Obviously conventions are fun, but they're also great for networking and cosplay is a wonderful way to bring fellow fans out of the wood work. 

It was just a gargantuan disappointment. It made me miss one of the panels I was most looking forward to and it felt like the world was crashing down around me as my masterpiece fell apart. It got to the point where I had to make an important decision. I could struggle to wear it all day and be horribly uncomfortable as the costume was destroyed through wear and tear, or I could take it off and just be a normal con-goer. That might sound like a silly thing to stress over, but in the past year I've realize how very important cosplay is to me. It has completely changed my convention experience and I oddly feel naked without it. 

As horrible as that all felt, I also knew that making the decision as efficiently as possible was for the best. If I had stayed in that state of dejected panic, I would have ruined the whole weekend for myself. After giving myself five minutes to be super depressed, I got myself to a bathroom, changed into my street clothes, shoved my business cards in my pocket, and hit the show floor with renewed vigor. 

The next day, I grabbed my Ren Faire costume, and added a few pieces from Tallis for details. Even though I wasn't a recognizable character, I still got attention from photographers and other cosplayers because I stood out from the average con goer. Every day, I made it work with what I had and I made sure to create my own opportunities to meet my personal heroes and anyone else I thought would enjoy hearing about Project Reroll. I made friends in every panel line and made a schedule for all the signings, industry meet-ups, and special events I thought I should attend. I met pro cosplayers like Yaya Han, Ivy Doomkitty (who I just featured a few articles ago), and Nicole Marie Jean. I attended afterparties to bravely worked the room (something that still horrifies me to this day) and was rewarded with meeting my favorite Mythbuster, Grant Imahara! I waited in line to meet Felicia Day, who was so congratulatory about my achievements that she gave me a high five, followed by taking the time to talk about how almond milk was our jam and that cupcakes are the greatest thing ever. On Sunday I went to a panel on how to protect your new business from a legal perspective and after asking a question about my idea for a geek themed Paleo cook book, I got approached by someone who helps new authors put together book proposals. As an added bonus, my year of research into cosplay helped me recognize Monika Lee and Jessica Nigri on the street on Monday so I could meet them too! What was a disaster turned into an amazing weekend of meeting new people, building public knowledge about our growing Slayer community here on Project Reroll, sharing stories, playing ALL THE DEMOS, and celebrating my geek identity. Even though I couldn't premiere my new costume, it still made for a great one year cosplay anniversary.

A year ago I might not have been capable of picking myself up like that and carrying on, let alone making the absolute most of a bad situation. When you work hard at something like weight loss or sticking to a very strict diet, the first time you experience a big failure, it can be extremely derailing. A lot of people give up right there, but in reality, giving up is the only way to fail. If you  make a mistake, you can recover if you just keep working hard afterwards. So be brave (like this amazing little girl who wanted to be like Sokka so much that she shaved the sides of her head to achieve his exact hairstyle for her cosplay. WATER TRIBE.). Don't let disappointments get in the way of the bigger picture. There's always something you can do to make the most of a bad situation. Hell, you might even be able to transform it into an AWESOME situation if you put your mind to it. 

The end of the 31 day challenge and how Bruce Lee is always right

So we’re on the other side of the 31 day challenge and I ended it as it began. With hope.

I am 20 lbs lighter than when I started. I have a whole new outlook on life, food, my health, and more importantly my body.

I’ve seen the scale go up and down during this 31 days. I’ve hit new marks on the scale I never thought I would and I’ve never been prouder in myself. For me...being proud in myself is a big accomplishment.

So I’d like to share some quick notes on what I learned and then tell you about what’s coming next.

1) EVERYONE has an idea about what works and what doesn’t.
“Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

Here’s the hard truth...people will give you advice, tell you what worked for them, and how what you’re doing isn’t going to work. What you need to do is be like Bruce Lee says and when it comes to this advice “be like water”. The quote helps me alot in all areas of life and maybe it will help you.

2) Not everyone’s body is meant to be the same.
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” Bruce Lee

We’re not all cookie cutter versions of the same form and structure. Sure there are steps we can all take, but not all diets and workouts work for everyone. Some people have food allergies that prevent them from experiencing some diets. Some people can’t just jump into a heavy workout and need to build up to it. Listen to your body and what works for you. Find the workout you can’t live without when you get started. Find the diet that doesn’t make you cringe. Or, like me, try everything and see what works. Be open to all possibilities, but do it for you and not because it worked for a friend or celebrity.

3) If you’re not committed to change…nothing will happen.
“If you spend too much time thinking about a thing, you'll never get it done.” Bruce Lee

You have to take action. Even small ones to start. It’s perpetual motion after that, one foot in front of the other, but you have to commit to that next step. You have to know what you are doing this for and focus on that. Otherwise you won’t have the energy, will, or desire to change for yourself.

Don’t think too hard...do. And remember the wise words of Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try.” And if you are not going to do it...the don’t, but don’t make excuses. You have to find what works for you and go after that like tomorrow does not exist.

4) It’s going to suck sometimes...but it’s worth it.
“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.” Bruce Lee

Whether it is a juice diet, a regular diet, or working out...when you start it is going to suck. If it was easy everyone would be doing it. You have to know that going in. If you do, the mental hurdles will be easier to overcome. You have to start putting things in your eye sight that remind you and make you want to change.

5) Accept that not everyone is going through what you are...it’s not about them.
“I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations and you're not in this world to live up to mine.” Bruce Lee

Whether you have a spouse, a girlfriend/boyfriend, or are living with friends or family do not expect everyone to be doing what you are. This isn’t being done for them or about them. They are not required to follow your diet or tip toe around you to make sure you “feel safe.”

While I was on my juice fast my wife brought home fast food. I could have been angry. I could have yelled about “I’m doing this thing...and you bring in that temptation.” But what I did was recognize that she made her choice and I was making mine. We were both doing what works for us. I saw in that food she brought home every bad decision I made to cause this weight gain and I enjoyed my juice knowing I didn’t want to get back there.

I hate to break it to you, but when you go outside...the world does not conform itself to you. You have to live your life during this transition with zero expectations of anyone around you, but appreciate when they make exceptions for you.

6) You’re going to make mistakes/have set backs/stumble.
“Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.” Bruce Lee

You’re going to have days where you want to cheat, the scale goes up instead of down, and you’ll miss a workout. Don’t make a mountain out of it. Own it, know what caused the chain of events that caused it to happen, and be ready for when that scenario presents itself again.

I lost over 10 pounds and got upset when I saw the scale go up a bit. It almost broke me, but I remembered to celebrate the loss and not the gain. The gain is just another obstacle to overcome.

Just do not let whatever that mistake is to become the lynchpin that completely destroys your progress. Remember how far you’ve come.

7) If it doesn’t mean something to you...it doesn’t matter how many people congratulate you.
“As you think, so shall you become.” Bruce Lee

You have to want this change! You have to embrace it and know that it’s what you want more than gaining weight. You can never be the person you were again. You have to rewrite the story in your brain and see yourself as the person you want to become. Believe you are a person who can do a 10 day juice challenge. Believe you can, be ready to face adversity in every form, and you can do whatever you dream.

So what comes next?

My amazing friend Elizabeth Wallace put up a challenge to me. She bought me the Chalene Extreme workout DVD’s and challenged me to do that work out three days a week. So I’ll be doing that and reviewing the process here on Project Reroll. That combined with a paleo like diet (I’m evolving into it) I am on track to lose another 20 lbs by the end of November. I want to keep this up and by January be 60 pounds lighter.

I am going to end this with one of my favorite quotes of Bruce Lee’s. It's something that keeps me looking forward and not at the past.

“The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering.” Bruce Lee

What a Difference a Year Makes! Huzzah!

Hello slayers! I've finally returned from three weeks of adventures across the pond in England and while it was wonderful and I gave myself a vacation pass to eat what I wanted, it's time to get back to reality, not to mention the gym and the kitchen!

But! Not without a pit stop at ye olde New York Renaissance Faire! This a yearly tradition and last year I was 20 lbs down from my initial weight when I attended. While I was there I really did my best to eat healthy and stuck to fruit and cheese. I didn't really partake in faire treats and all I've dreamed of  is to have a day, now that I'm confident in my ability to return to my plan afterwards, where I could really enjoy some of the things I used to AND, of course, upgrade my faire garb. I've lost 100 lbs and last year, my garb was laced all the way. I'm swimming in it now! 

Like everything, it's important to have a plan. I planned on two meals, since I was staying late to see my best friend Emily (the Harley to my Ivy!), who is performing the role of Maid Marian this year, after the faire was done. I knew off the bat that this would not be a paleo day, but that I didn't want to spend a huge amount of money on random food grazing. I decided I would have two drinks and one desert. I had my eye on the pulled pork BBQ sandwich because that's what I've lusted after since last year, but found once I got there that it just seemed like way too much for me. I was really on the go because I wanted to be able to mosey around and catch all of Emily's scenes, not to mention attend to my garb needs. I ended up choosing a chicken sandwich with lettuce and tomato for lunch. By dinner, I was exhausted and hot and when I looked at the pub menu, the only thing that spoke to me was a caesar salad. Most healthy salad? No. But it wasn't a burger or chicken tenders with fries, so a healthy huzzah was raised! 

For my drinks I had an apple cider and half of the  shire's equivalent of a mocha frappuccino. For my treat, I shared a slice of cheesecake on a stick with my boyfriend. All of it was delicious and I really only ate when I was hungry or needed a refresher. Am I saying it was the healthiest day of my life? No, but I am fascinated that when faced with the ability to eat whatever I wanted, I shared a lot of stuff that was rich and I made better choices than I'd planned for. 

One of the first things I did was spend an exorbitant sum of money on new garb. Just to give you an idea, over the years I've spent about 500+ on building my Ren Faire costume. I budgeted all year for a similar expenditure so that I wouldn't bankrupt myself when the time came. Just like planning for food, I had a plan for garb. Last year, a friend of mine linked me a Son of Sandlar piece called "the huntress." While expensive, it was beautiful and everything I've ever dreamed of when it came to embodying my favorite fantasy archetype, an elf rogue. I played one in WoW and I almost always gravitate towards playing rogues in table top games. As far as my own physicality, I could never pull off a rogue costume before because elves are generally more lithe than I was and certainly at my weight, I wasn't going to look like I belonged on the field of battle. The first time someone told me I had elfin features during this weight loss journey, I squeed. It was time to enter the fray at long last and after a year of saving, I was finally able to put together an elf rogue costume.

I bought some cheap boots ($30 on sale at some hole in the wall shop in Greenwich Village) and I used my pixie top from Moresca. I had that from my old garb and the size didn't really matter because it was just going to go under a bodice. I had a dagger from a previous visit to the fair and my father bought me a dagger in Tintagel on our visit to England. Dual wielding FTW! The skirt was bought at Urban Outfitters when I was trying to lose weight in college. All that I needed to buy at the faire was "the huntress" and some elf ears.

As soon as I got fit for the bodice, I felt amazing! It was a dream come true! It has a hood and beautiful gold lining and it went really well with my woodland elf circlet from my former costume. The quality and craftsmanship are evident and the leather is treated so that it can get wet. I got to test it out because there was some light drizzling this year. I just put up my hood like a BA! Emily, ahem, Maid Marian swung by the booth to celebrate. After lunch, I got my elf ears custom painted for me and before I knew it, I was a living legend! My boyfriend was kind enough to indulge me in a short woodland photoshoot and we captured a few great images so I got to really commemorate the ocassion in an ideal setting (aka, not in front of my mirror at home with a mess strewn about the floor behind me). 

The whole day I walked taller (maybe just in my head because I'm only 5 feet tall in reality...). I was transported by my costuming efforts, and of course by the performances of the talented actors who populate the village of Sterling. I was so proud of Emily for realizing her dream of working at the faire. She was wonderful and I know she is enjoying the hell out of the whole experience. She lights up the shire every weekend, so if you haven't made the journey out to Tuxedo, DO IT NOW. Who knows? Maybe one day I'll be lucky enough to perform alongside these fine folks! The sky's the limit.

My life is so different now. It doesn't mean that I can't enjoy some great food from time to time or take a day off from the gym to get to the ren faire for the opening ceremonies, but it means that I tend to make very different choices most of the time and I don't feel like I HAVE to make them. I actively want to. Seeing my fantasies realized made me aware that anything is within my grasp. I never would have thought his transformation would have been possible a year ago. I know that's corny but I didn't know if I'd be able to keep up my restrictive and exhausting health regime. It felt like prison. Now, I really want to make the better choices. Perhaps it's weird to most people who want to look better for their wedding or for work, but the days when I get to live out my fantasies at the faire or show off a cosplay with confidence at a convention are a huge part of why I'm motivated to keep working on this change. I don't care that some people think it's weird as hell or a waste of money and time. It's what makes me happy and if it's what makes me healthy, that's all to the benefit!

So what motivates you, slayers? I'd love to hear about your milestones and the things that keep your head in the game whether it's just being able to fit into your favorite pair of jeans, or making your own set of N7 armor. Please share your thoughts in the comments!

A Good Man Goes to War

Week 1 Weight Loss (WL): 10.4 lbs
Week 1 & 2 Total Weight Loss (TWL): 14.4 lbs

Hey Dear Readers. First, let me apologize for getting this late. I stepped on the scale today and literally had to repeat the process SIX times before I believed the results.

Second, let me say the following message before you read any further.

I am not a doctor nor am I a scientist (but man do I wish I was Bruce Banner or Tony Stark). The things I try for my weight loss are things I personally research for what I think might work for me or that I’m crazy enough to try it. So, please, if you choose to follow a juice diet or get wrapped, please look into it yourself. Be as skeptical as I was and then try it with an open mind.

On with today’s post:

So last Monday I started my 10 day juice fast. If you’re not familiar with it, juice fasting is a type of fasting and detox diet in which a person consumes only fruit and vegetable juices. I was inspired to start it after watching a documentary called “Fat, Sick, And Nearly Dead”, which you can see on Netflix. After doing some research I had tried one a while ago, lost some weight, and subsequently ended up back to the svelte weight of 299 lbs. Which inspired this big change that included blogging with Project ReRoll.

The first three days of your juice fast, let me be honest here, are going to suck big balls. You’re going to be tired, grump, and really want to quit, but that is the sugar and crap leaving your system. You are seriously detoxing your body of coffee, soda, and the crap you usually eat the same way a drug addict has to detox a chemical from theirs. So you’re body rejects that with feeling crappy and your desire to return to that bad habit get stronger.

Thus why this post is named for one of my top 10 Doctor Who episodes, “A Good Man Goes to War”, because your will is going to war with your brain and your body. The latter both just want to go back to the normal that made you what you are.

If you want to change…you can’t let them win. You must be the Doctor to their Daleks, the Gandalf to their Balrog, the Mario to their Bowser….you get the idea. And if you don’t there are some very nice TV shows, movies, and games a geek friend can introduce you to.

What I usually make is called Mean Green which comes directly from the documentary I mentioned above. You will need a juicer, but here’s the recipe.

Mean Green

• Prep Time: 5 minutes
• Total Time: 10 minutes
• Serving: 1-2 Size: 16oz. (500 mls) (I double up so I can have some for a full day and a half)

Ingredients

• 1 cucumber
• 4 celery stalks
• 2 apples
• 6-8 leaves kale
• 1/2 lemon
• 1 tbsp ginger

Directions

1. Wash all produce well
2. Peel the lemon, optional
3. Juice
4. Pour over ice if you like.
5. Enjoy! 

If you've ever had orange juice with pulp before the texture can be similar depending on your juicer. It looks green and at first your brain says “No, sir.” Yet, it’s actually kind of good.

I also make a breakfast drink which is orange and pineapple and a snack that is strawberry, blueberry, and raspberry. I got the recipes from juice bars and stores I've seen in New York. If you’re in the New York area, I am jealous of you.

Now let’s talk about the hard part…Temptation. I intentionally did not avoid normal life. Matter of fact I found ways to adapt to it. Avoiding normal life while trying to get healthy would suck, but letting myself down, and you, as well as learning how to adapt to maintain the weight loss was more important to me.
Here’s how I overcame it.

Friday I went out to the mall with my best friend, Sean, and his son, Tristan. Whenever I smelled food and I wanted to have something to nibble…I bought a bottle of water. Within half a bottle my desire to eat was gone. When Sean and his son would stop to eat, I had a bottle of water. Water does this amazing thing of filling your stomach. Negative side effect….you pee…A LOT!

Saturday I went to my sister Heather’s baby shower. Which meant I dropped my wife, Kelly, off and the guys took Dan, the awesome dad to be, and went to Dave & Busters. The guys belly up’d to the bar and I…had a glass of orange juice and a glass of water. Did it suck to smell the wings, burgers, and all the things I would normally gorge myself on? Yup. You know what sucked more? Watching that scale go up instead of down before August 1st.

That night Kelly and I went to see The Wolverine. She had popcorn and water….while I had water. And you know what? It didn't ruin anything about the experience.

Sunday I went for a 2.4 mile walk and talk with my good friend Ann. After we stopped at Starbucks, where she had tea and I had…you guessed it…water.

Before and after each I had a pre-made, by me, juice so I had nutrients in my system.

One thing I also did was tried the “It Works” wraps from my sister-in-law, Shannon, and her company Wrap with Waffediyok. After I posted that picture there was a lot of dispute in the comments about the “science” of it and so on. All I can tell you is I saw 4.25” come off my midsection and have keep about 2” off since. It, for me, was a great motivator to see change. As a onetime deal I did not expect it to provide long term solutions, but it was the boost in self value I needed to get me over the hurdle. I've had a few friends try it based off the post I made and one friend saw 4” herself from the wrap. There is a 90 plan they offer that I have seen people have results from, but I would recommend talking to Shannon if you have ANY questions. Any… and I mean any, because I’m a n00b with that stuff and asking me is going to get you “um…here’s Shannon” as a response.

So as of this post I’m on day nine of the juice fast and, folks, I have to tell you I haven’t felt better in a long time.

After I’ve gone through the 10 days, I feel clean. I don’t crave food and honestly I don’t miss it. I’m going to enjoy having a burger from a non-fast food place, but I don’t think I’ll go back to having a burger every day. I will enjoy a slice of pizza, but I don’t want to go back to ordering a whole pie for just Kelly and myself.
More importantly, I’m more aware than ever of what goes into my body and how it affects not only my body as a whole, but my mood and brain as well.

So, dear reader, I leave you with this one simple bit of motivation that I’ll expand on in my next post.
I started this blog series at 299 lbs. and here is the reason I had to step on and off the scale several times.

If I can do it…so can you!

10 Things Animal Crossing Teaches Us About Living Healthy

It's no secret that the world has been playing a lot of Animal Crossing lately. When I get a street pass from someone, 9/10 times that's what they've been playing. I basically had to pay an attunement fee to socialize with my friends because I couldn't understand what all the fuss about perfect cherries was and that trips to "the island" weren't about Jack and Kate having to go back (WE HAVE TO GO BACK, KATE!). 

There was only one problem. Once I picked up my pink 3DS XL and founded the town of Olympus, I couldn't STOP PLAYING THIS ADDICTIVE GAME. 

For the life of me, I couldn't understand what was so damn appealing that I wanted to sign in and water flowers every day on my subway ride to work. I feared Tom Nook breaking my kneecaps if I didn't pay my housing loans promptly. I found myself yelling at visiting friends to stop running on my grass and killing it. YOU KIDS STAY OFF OF MY LAWN! Apparently a mixture of environmental responsibility and a palpable fear of a raccoon mobster "coming to collect" is super addictive. After spending about three hours that should have been allotted to working out and cooking food for the week ahead on planting flowers in a circle around my town square, customizing a Rainbow Dash themed home gym in my house's basement, and completing sundry tasks for a social climbing pink dog named Cookie instead, I realized I had better come up with some reason why this game is a good influence or surely I would suffer all the guilt ever for wasting so much time on a video game. It was actually kind of weird because as I thought intently about how the structure of the game relates to weight loss and a healthy lifestyle, it wasn't all that hard to draw some positive comparisons. 

Here are 10 things that Animal Crossing teaches us about living healthy.

1. You cultivate your town at your own speed, but things go wrong if you do absolutely nothing. In order to enjoy the game, you don't have to progress quickly, but logging in and spending a little time daily keeps your town looking nice and helps you pay off parts of your public works projects and home loan. If you don't log in at all, for one day, it probably won't make a huge difference, but if you go a long time without paying any attention to your town, your fruit trees will rot, your flowers will die and you'll find yourself having to retrace your steps.  The same can be said of weight loss. If you skip a day of working out or have one bad meal, it's not the end of the world, but if you let yourself slump away from good habits for a long time, you can lose the progress you've made. 
2. With a little effort each day you can keep things the same. With just about half an hour of playtime, you can organize your house, water your plants, dig up your daily fossils, and check in with your residents to keep things copacetic. Things might not move forward at an alarming rate, but at least you're maintaining your progress. When it comes to weight loss, if you're plugging away at it for a year or more, sometimes it's nice to go into this mode for a week or so to give yourself a mental and physical break. You workout routine might drop to three times a week for half an hour and you could allow yourself a few treats throughout the week. If you're careful and don't let it become a lazy bingefest, you can totally maintain your weight with just a little bit effort. 
3. With a lot of effort each day, you can make progress. If you sink a few hours into your game  beyond general maintenance by farming bugs, going scuba diving, making trips to the island, and chatting with your residents throughout the day, you can really make some strides in your town. You can finish projects, pay your bills, make custom plantings, and design fun outfits that visitors and your townspeople can purchase. Similarly, putting in the time with your health to read articles online and learn more about the process can help you make better and more interesting choices. Putting in more time at the gym doing the right things can take you from squatting on the elliptical for 30-45 minutes of Xena episodes, just going through the motions each day, to running a 10k and making new personal records. Sure, you start small, but if you put in the time,  effort, and the willpower each day, you can achieve great things.
4. At some point each day, there's not much more you can do. There are limiting factors. Like construction. Unless you just want to farm bugs all day or fish, there's a point at which it might be better to accept what you accomplished and put the 3DS down. Construction happens overnight so if you're waiting to decorate your new housing renovation or to celebrate the construction of a new town fountain, you HAVE TO WAIT. If you continue to play, you're just going through the motions of the same mini games over and over. It's unnecessary and you're wasting your time and doing the rest of your life a disservice. When it comes to your health, if you've already done an hour of cardio and you're desperate for results, adding on another one may actually be more of a detriment. You could injure yourself. If you've already done your eating for the day and you're harping on yourself for going over your allotted calories, just stop! It's already done. Punishing yourself more isn't going to change it. Just "turn off the game" and get back in the swing of things tomorrow. 
5. Each town is unique to each mayor. They can build it around their interests or needs. One of the fun things about Animal Crossing is that every town is unique. You decide what the layout will be. You decide where to plan trees or build projects. You have unique townspeople that might have their own wishes they want fulfilled. I might put my fountain by townhall and someone else might find it more appealing to put it between a bunch of houses. With health, you have to do what's right for you. Everyone's journey is going to be different because everyone is different. Some people might move quickly and others might progress more slowly. Some people might like Weight Watchers while another finds success with Paleo. If you do your research and stick with a plan long enough to see results, I don't really think it matters what it is as long as you aren't starving yourself or overworking yourself at the gym. 
6. Everyone's town is different but features a lot of the same elements. There's a common language with similar but unique results depending on how you build your personal town. If you like fairy tale bridges, then you can make them, but someone else might prefer suspension bridges. At the end of the day, both of you are getting from one side of the river to the other on a similar structure. Both mayors have houses, but I might go for an "astro" aesthetic while someone else might go for a mermaid themed wall around their house. It's all cosmetic but it's built using the same tools. Just because someone is doing a juice fast to jumpstart their weight loss and you're on Nutrisystem doesn't mean you can't talk shop about health and give each other support. You might be going about it different ways, but talking with other people who are trying to accomplish similar things can get you the support your need to keep going when it gets tough and also teach you a lot. 
7. The more you improve, the more options you have. More shops get built on main street over time, new neighbors move in, and you get invited to a special island by the former mayor! You build more bridges over time and get more mobility to travel around your town. You can eventually help build a night club and a a second floor of your museum, not to mention a barber shop where you can get a makeover to suit your mood! All of this happens gradually over time, but every time you make an improvement, it opens up a whole new set of options for your to pursue. This aspect of the game makes me think a lot about the process of getting fit. When I first started going to the gym, it was a hassle just to get myself moving for long enough to raise my heart rate and burn off some calories. Once I got passed that phase, I started looking into more structured workouts like HIIT or body circuits. Then when I felt I'd lost enough weight to avoid injury, I started training to run long distance. After I'd lost about a hundred pounds, I got to try wall climbing. Every stepping stone brought me more mobility,and more ability to do and try new things. It doesn't happen overnight. Take it in steps.
8. There are infinite ways to progress. I might be better at fishing and more focused on building my own personal house. A friend might be more focused on paying for public works projects. Others might be obsessed with touring on the tropical island and getting medals to buy unique items for their home. I might love visiting other towns and inviting friends into mine, but another player might never want to take advantage of that aspect of the game. It's completely up to you. Similarly, I might love Paleo and think it's the bees knees, but I have other friends who love Atkins. I like running, but I have other friends who are all about crossfit and if they never had to run over 3 miles again, they'd be happy. All of us are making progress, we just have different priorities, and that's cool! It's going to result in unique "towns," or bodies (hehe!), and it should because we're all unique people. 
9. The game is designed to be pleasant. There's something serene about arranging furniture and harvesting fruit. Sure you're just completing chores, but this is a world where you don't have to fight some great evil to feel like you've accomplished something. It's a liveable world. The same thing can be said of successful health plans. You have to be able to live with them daily and sustain them over time in order to achieve lasting results. If you're driving yourself into the ground trying to be a perfectionist, you're going to fall off the wagon at some point. 
10. Every day is different. There's always something new to learn, experience, or build on. Animal Crossing is designed with 365 days of unique content! That is bananas to me. Every day builds on the last and stores get renovated, you make your own improvements, and special events birthdays, and holidays occur. The combinations of events are endless! I think its important to approach your own life like that. Yesterday is gone! What can you do today? What's unique to this day and this season that you can take advantage of? Who's in town? What new things can your learn and how can you challenge yourself in a way that you didn't before? You can build on each little experience to create some pretty cool results when you piece your progress together  the fabric of a healthy lifestyle over time.

Now to get off my butt and go to the gym. No, not the pixelated one in my fake basement. The actual one.

BUT WHEN I GET BACK HOME... I'm going scuba diving off the coast of Olympus to hunt for new species of fish!

The Return Journey

Good morning. As I prepare to start my journey of Project ReRoll I thought it would be a good idea to share with you the goals I’m setting out with and how I’m mapping out my quest to ReRoll my body.

I got on the scale today, to see where I was since I weighed myself last week when I wrote my answers to the interview that was the post yesterday. I had to step off and on the scale a few times, but when I realized the number was what it was…I stopped. I had gone up in weight. Stress of the weekend, not paying attention to what was going in, and realizing how much five days can change the dial on the scale has me more sure than ever than starting this quest, and sharing it with you, was the best thing I can do.

So, dear reader, every good quest starts with a goal. My goal is to begin, what I am dubbing, my 31 day challenge. For the month of August I am going to be working towards beginning a routine that will begin the transition from being round in the belly to an over all healthier me.

For diet I am going to do a juicing/paleo mix. Starting the first four days of the month weaning off of soda, fast food, and such by eating raw fruits and veggies. It will help transition my body, because on August 5th I will begin a juice fast that will last a minimum of 10 days. If I feel good with it, I’m going to continue and then blend in the paleo diet as I learn more about it and share that knowledge with you.

For exercise, I am going to start with doing the 30 Day Ab and 30 Day Arm work out. Each work out starts with four simple exercises you can do, without needing a gym membership, that increase each day ending with you doing, at least, 100 more reps of each exercise than the day you started. I addition to that I am going to increase the 1.5 mile walk to and from work I already do to include jogging so by the end of the challenge I am running the 1.5 miles home.

If you wanted to play along at home, I’m going to be using a few apps, that you can find as well, to help gamify my time as well. I’m going to be using the app “EpicWin” to  make tracking the work outs as much fun as RPG gaming with its leveling and rewards. I am also going to be using the app “Zombies, Run!” to track the transition from walking to running.

I wanted these goals and actions to be measurable and easy. By the end there is a quest map for you to follow if you wanted to make your own change in life.

And, like all good quests, it comes with some big obstacles. Over this month I’m attending no less than three conventions away from home. This means part of my weight loss will be, for at least 9 or 31 days, will be deep in the heart of every temptation that could set me off my path. I’m not going to these just to attend, I’m going to promote a film that’s still in the works and it’s a stressful time that can cause me to revert back to what’s easy with things like fast food, sleeping longer instead of working out, stress, and tons of alcohol.  I can share with you how you too can fit working out and being a healthier you into all aspects of your geek/nerd life just like Anne has.

As I’m going to be checking in with you once a week, these posts will be more like mini journals plotting out what I’ve done, how I feel, and what changes I’m seeing. I want to be as honest and accountable with you as I can.

Thank you for joining me on this quest to reroll my body, health, and mind. I hope this inspires you to make the changes you’ve been putting off the way that Anne has inspired me.

Mike Dougherty
Twitter.com/wickedjava
Facebook.com/mcdougherty

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's a Guest Blogger!

I've been hinting that there were some fun changes on the horizon for Project Reroll! Well get ready cause our first change is a-comin'! This is no longer just my story. 

I'm so excited to introduce you guys to Project Reroll's first guest blogger, Michael Dougherty. He's been a very supportive member of the reader community and is embarking on his own mission to pick new stats and slay the fat and will be making posts on Tuesdays about his own journey. This has always been a place for accountability, empathic sharing, and "teaching out" about the good, the bad, and the ugly of embracing the process of weight loss and nutrition. The process can be so different for everyone that I really think it can only improve the blog to have more than one person express what they're learning through the experience. 

So who is this Michael person? Why should you care about him? GET READY, cause he's awesome and I did a little introductory interview with him to get you all excited about hearing what he's got to say. 

 Tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do.

My name is Michael C. Dougherty and I’m a geek. Like big time. My first books I remember reading were The Hobbit, Sherlock Holmes, and tons of Edgar Allen Poe. I’ve been playing D&D off and on since 1st edition and can remember getting my first Atari 2600. 

Recently, I wrote/directed the Joss Whedon blessed and FOX approved Firefly fan film “Browncoats: Redemption” that went on to raise $117,000 for charity in one year. I’m currently working on my next film “Z*Con” which is like “Goonies” meets “Shaun of the Dead” set in “Comic Con” which will also raise money for the American Red Cross, Kids Need to Read, and the Baltimore Bully Crew.

When did you decide you needed to change your ways and was there a specific moment where it clicked and you actually committed to doing it?

It’s been a long time coming. I can’t mark a specific date and time, because I’ve been debating about it off and on in my head, as we nerds do. I’ve read lots of books, like “The Nerdist” by Chris Hardwick has a section on having a healthy body, and friends like the amazing Elizabeth Wallace have sent me stuff to help, but it was really after watching Anne/you and my friends', Jeff Pulver and Joe Hancuff, personal transformations that I believed it could be possible for myself. I just woke up one day and decided ‘I don’t want to feel like this anymore’ and signed for a CrossFit class. After that…I’ve just wanted to be the change I want to see in others…for myself.

If you failed in the past, why do you think that was?

Because I wasn’t committed. I know that and know it’s totally on me. I allowed the bullshit in my own head and the comfort of life as it was to keep me from wanting more. I allowed work and other distractions to be the “Well I don’t have time to exercise/eat right because I’m too busy doing X.” Which is just me lying to myself.

What are your goals and how do you plan to accomplish them?

My goals are pretty simple and measurable. I’m starting August 1st and measuring success in 30 day increments so I’m not stressing out over daily fluctuations on the scale. I know that I’ll decrease, increase, and plateau, but I have seen so many people give up after seeing the day to day numbers that I know I will to.

I’ll be including a daily workout regimen that increases like the 30 day ab/arm challenge. Each week I’ll check in with my results, which I’ll be tracking with the Epic Win ap. I already walk 3 miles a day (1.5 miles each way) so I want to make the evening walk home to evolve into a jog and then a run. 

I will also be starting a juice fast for the first 10 days and then see how things go. I want to adopt more paleo into my diet, but it’ll be a transition I want to make slowly so my body doesn’t go into freak out mode.

The ultimate goal is math based. I’m currently around 285 and I want to try to drop a minimum of 10 lbs a month. This equates to about losing 1% of current weight per week (2.85 lbs) which all the research I’ve found seems to indicate is healthy and reasonable. That way if I do more…great, but I’m not stressing out about it which would cause me to slip.

There are so many options when it comes to diet and fitness. Why are you choosing this particular path?

I am former military. I was never in better shape in my life than when I was forced to do daily push ups, sit ups, and running in the ARMY. It is something my body resonates with and seems to react better to then trying heavy weight lifting. Plus, I can be as ADD as I want flipping the order I do them in so I don't get bored. 

For diet, one that I’ve done before and saw physical and emotional results from. Juicing is also a very mentally relaxing task for me. It is simple, I can let my brain go, and I get to enjoy some nice juice after. I’m going to be dipping my toe into the paleo diet. That will be the biggest challenge for me. My past lifestyle has been very easy and easy made me round. So it’s time to do something else.

What made you want to guest post about your journey on PR?

I have been so inspired by Anne's/your transformation that I wanted to help contribute to the site to show what she/you did can be done by anyone! And, I'm the kind of guy who needs to be backed into a corner. My personality is such that I have to put myself in a situation where I am accountable to something greater than myself to make change happen.

If you could reroll yourself as your favorite genre character or superhero, who would it be?

I would have said Spider-Man years back, but as I get older...Logan/Wolverine. Dude's tough as nails and only gets better with age.

I hope you guys are as excited as I am about seeing Michael challenge himself to make these changes. He's an awesome geek with a lot to offer and I feel honored that he came here to Project Reroll to share his story. That being said, there are seven days in a week. How awesome would it be if I wrote on two of them (as I already do) and the others were days that guest bloggers posted about their journeys? These could be vlogs or writing. I'd love to invite geeks of all sexes, ages, and backgrounds because I really think it's important that every "transformation" be put in perspective. I want people working on weight loss, or learning a new martial art, or trying a new fitness routine- there are just SO many physical challenges out there! It would be awesome to expose each other to all these different methods and what the day to day experience of pursuing these goals is like. I believe, like Michael, that personal transformation is something ANYONE can accomplish. However, different people might have to go about it in different ways in order to find lasting success that works for them. Is there anyone else who might be up for this challenge? If so, feel free to leave a comment or contact me so we can chat about your ideas! Ideally, I'd love to find 4 other staff writers to post on Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  What say you, Slayers?