Quest Accepted: Couch to 5K

Ever since I started my fitness journey, I've avoided running. I've tackled new things like HIIT workouts, Zumba, and Yoga, but I've always hated running and so I never elected to add it to my cardio routine. 

I had a million canned responses ready for when people asked why I didn't try running. 

"My well endowed bosom would be painful! The bouncing! Ouchies!"

"The high impact would be murder on my joints."

"The elliptical burns more calories anyways."

"I tried distance running in high school. I gave up 3 weeks in and joined the soccer team instead. Never again."

"Do I look like a graceful gazelle on the plains of the Serengeti?"

When it comes right down to it, those are all just excuses. I've lost 85 lbs. I have NO EXCUSE not to challenge myself. Zumba and Yoga have been such positive experiences for me because I have another way to measure my progress besides the scale.  Plus, adding even more variety to my fitness can only be a good thing as I plow through these last 40 lbs. Of course, the tipping point in my decision was when I realized that when the Doctor comes to call, I'll have to be able to keep up with him on our time traveling adventures!

Just like any intimidating challenge, it's best to take it in steps. I've heard wonderful things about "Couch to 5K," so I decided to download the app for my phone and build up my endurance that way. If you haven't heard of it, the program slowly builds you up to running a 5K incrementally by having you do a combination of running and walking. You start out walking for 90 seconds and running for a minute in phases over 30 minutes. It gives you a new program each day and slowly it shifts so that you are doing more running than walking as you build up your endurance. In a few months, it claims you should be able to run a 5K. 

Before my yoga class tonight, I hopped on the treadmill and got started. It was crazy how nervous I was to do it considering I've been working out regularly for over 7 months now and it's not like I'm starting from nothing, but I just told myself to chase the fear! And chase it, I did! I felt pretty good about it afterwards and I'm looking forward to Day 2 tomorrow! The app is free so give it a try and let me know about your experience with it in the comments!

Jedi Mind Tricks & Fitness

I wish I could say I'm a total health nut who loves the gym and that I think brownies are icky sugar toxins, but I'm not. It still takes willpower to stick to my mission. I'll never stop loving days where I can completely immerse myself in a video game for hours on end or enjoying a Hobbit themed feast with my friends. For my first month, I completely avoided those things so I could create new habits and in a way, detox/wake up my body. Seven months into this lifestyle change, I've definitely indulged in some treats and devoted hours on end to adventuring in Skyrim without derailing my progress one bit. The question became, how do I use delicious treats and non-active geeky indulgences as motivation to put in the effort at the gym and the table a majority of the time? My answer: A reward system. I unlock an achievement, I get a trophy. I bribe myself to do healthy things I'm not crazy about with things I love but should only do in moderation. 

Even though I don't love going to the gym, I like the elliptical machine. After the "shiny newness" of a new health regime wears off, working out on a machine can feel a bit like subjecting yourself to being on a "hamster wheel" 5 times a week. What makes the day in/day out tedium of watching statistics flash across the screen bearable is being able to watch my favorite TV shows. I don't have time to sit down and rewatch all the shows I love, but if I do it at the gym, then it's accomplishing something instead of just marathoning them nonstop while I sit on the couch and surf the web. The bonus to this system is that it provides another fun way to measure my progress. After all, you can't always expect the scale to go down, so why not measure you're level of awesomeness by how many cult TV shows you've watched while at the gym. For the record, I've watched every episode of Firefly, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and 2.5 Seasons of Xena: Warrior Princess whilst busting my ass at the gym. Next in the queue: Buffy the Vampire Slayer. There are people who say it's detrimental to watch TV whilst exercising because you'll relax and not push yourself hard enough. To counteract this, I did research to find my optimal heart rate and I make sure that I stay in it while I'm working out. I also choose shows with a lot of kicking ass in them- usually with a female heroine I dig- so whilst Xena is bashing heads or sprinting through the wilds of Ancient Greece, I pick up my intensity. 

There are other smaller "Jedi Mind Tricks" I use to make sure I stay motivated and continue to push myself. For instance, if I try something new and truly despise it, I don't force myself to keep doing it as long as I still go to the gym and do something else. A personal example would be weight training. I tried it out when I started my gym membership, but I never felt engaged by it and I didn't really see any results despite my research and sticking with it for over a month. I just decided there were too many other active things I could be doing/trying with my time. I will note that I initially decided I hated Zumba and now I take two classes a week, so who knows? One day I might totally get back into it. In any case, I still wanted to do some conditioning and eventually I started going to yoga classes two or three times a week. I've built up my strength and balance exponentially. Plus I can measure the progress of my fitness by being able to reach new poses or stay in unmodified plank or chaturanga longer. The other evening I was able to do "upward facing dog" instead of "cobra" AND "unmodified side plank" for the FIRST TIME. I felt awesome afterwards. On days when I'm not feeling particularly "zen," I just tell myself I'm training to be the Avatar. I defy you to do "yoga warrior dance" and NOT imagine you're doing the dance of the dragons with Zuko and Aang. No kidding. That shit works every time. 

My willpower weakens significantly when it comes to video games. If I get sucked into a story or fixated on a goal in game, I will not stop until that best in slot item is mine. Seriously. I have problems.  I used to be like this:

You know, except with lady parts. Not pretty, right? A lot of people think video games are "the enemy" right now, and not just when it comes to fitness. People who know almost nothing about these games are asserting that they cause violent tendencies, rob you of real life experiences, or are senseless garbage that will rot your brain- I could talk about how I don't agree with those accusations all day. I won't because that could be its own post. One thing I can say is that they ARE addictive and that I have personally experienced gaming addiction to the extent that some of my friends had to stop the madness and screw my head on straight again. Did I to stop playing video games altogether? No. I just had to learn to enjoy them in a way that would not prevent me from persistently pursuing a marked improvement in my health. For my first month on Operation: Stop Treating Your Body Like Poop, I didn't play many video games- and certainly no MMOs (my personal crack). Once I had my fitness and nutrition routine under control, I started allowing myself to play games again, but ONLY after I'd been to the gym or done my chores. In my opinion if you're a productive member of society and you're looking after your health, who CARES if you spend 4-6 hours that evening raiding Icecrown Citadel with a bunch of pixelated buddies? I'm sure there are people who still think video games are the devil, but that's my take on the issue in relation to my own health at any rate. 

Are there things you do to bribe yourself into healthy eating and fitness habits? Leave your tips in the comments!

Healthy Holiday Greetings

By Maria Clapsis

I've been spending the last week in recovery from my gallbladder surgery and it's been going pretty well. I spent each day slowly working my strength back up to what it was at the gym. I started just walking outside for half an hour at a time, then moved on to doing that on the treadmill so I could monitor heart rate and speed. Then I kept ramping that up in time, incline, and intensity every day until yesterday I finally was able get on the elliptical and do a 45 minute cardio session. After I see the doctor for my follow-up on the 27th, I'll probably get the ok to do high intensity interval training again. 

I've been eating 100% healthy this week since I've been stuck at the apartment which has been really nice. Not a lot of temptation out there- what luck for the holidays! I am headed to Connecticut to spend time with family for the next two days and I've heard that our Christmas Eve dinner promises to be pretty healthy. Filet mignon, spinach, and sweet potatoes. I'm bringing some Nutrisystem food to supplement throughout the holiday, but for the most part I'm giving myself a pass to splurge a little since I've been so good the entire season. I figure if there's ever a day to splurge, its the REAL CHRISTMAS DAY! 

It's weird. I think this is the first holiday season that I've successfully been able to lose weight. Oddly, it's not as hard as I feared- just takes some planning and a bit of will. It's easier to hold off on the little temptations when I know I'm going to have a treat looming on the horizon. :)

Well, I'm off to the gym! Not sure when my parents are arriving so I want to make sure I get in one last good workout before we head to Connecticut. Happy HEALTHY Holidays everyone!

Throw Down the Gauntlet!

Did Daenerys Targaryen become of the Mother of Dragons by slacking off and letting her environment define her? 

Clearly not. 

I've been recommitting myself to the gym over the last few days. I realized that in order to keep improving, I needed to turn up the heat in terms of the difficulty. I've been doing the same thing on the elliptical for over a month and it has become easy. I increased the elliptical's incline and the resistance in my interval and weight loss program and was rewarded by a higher calorie burn than I've ever had before as well as keeping my heart rate in the right zone for more of the time. I felt like I was going to die the first time, but I think that's a good thing. I'm challenging myself again and it's good to know I can depend on myself to throw down the gauntlet for the first time in my life.

Are you doing everything you can to challenge yourself? If you're not, try something new today or do what you've been doing, only make it harder. This whole process is only going to be as intense and successful as you make it!

FIRE AND BLOOD!

Love,
The Mother of Dragons

Never Give Up. Never Surrender

Another week, another 4 lbs GONE! Just 1.2 lbs from my 30 lbs lost weightloss goal for New York Comic Con (which is just a little over a month away). I'm not one to count chickens before they hatch, but it looks like I'll be CRUSHING that goal, which is exciting. 

I've been sick this week, but I still went to the gym. There is nothing worse than exercising whilst you're sick. I've only been able to muscle in a half hour on the elliptical for the last few days. It was definitely a struggle for me and I really felt unable to go at it the way that I normally do. At least I did SOMETHING instead of throwing in the towel. Hopefully I can lick this cold and get back in fighting shape. It's slow season for work so I'm only scheduled a few days this week. I'll be buckling down at the gym and pushing myself to get back to where I was before the storm of sick hit me.

I also realized when I weighed myself that I was due to put in measurements for the month. Last month, I sort of winged it, but I wanted to make sure I was doing it right so I looked up how to do it on YouTube and found I was measuring the waist wrong and that I was supposed to include the love handles and cross over the belly button, as opposed to the thinnest part of my torso which is just a few inches below my bust. So sadly, that added 7 inches to my waist measurement, BUT I lost about 7.5 inches from all the other areas combined. I'm sure, had I measured the waist correctly, then I would have lost there too instead of gained. Measurements are so important because sometimes when the scale won't move, they will. I can be a really great motivator in the midst of a plateau.

Anywho! Nose the grindstone! I'm off to the gym.

Time to Turn a Critical Failure Into a Nat 20

I'm ready for this journey. I know it will be hard and long (that's what she said... Hehe...), but it NEEDS to happen! How to make it happen? That's another story. Clearly nothing I've tried so far has worked, so I'm taking a different approach. 

First of all, I started Nutrisystem at the beginning of June. It's supposed to be very good for teaching portion control and balanced diets as well as encouraging many smaller meals/snacks throughout the day. Apparently that's great for your metabolism. So far it's gone really well and the weightloss from just following the new meal plan has been very motivating. 

Rather than focus on a final goal, I'm going to create mini milestone goals as I go so that the overachiever in me does not completely lose her shit.

My first goal is to lose 20 lbs by the August 26th because that's when I'm going to  the Renaissance Fair here in NY. It's a huge occasion for me and my friends every year and it's especially fun because we go in costume. Last year I bought my very own Ren Fair garb and although I felt amazing and full of fantasy and fun in it last year, I would really like to see a positive change in my physical appearance this year. I've already lost nearly 15 lbs so reaching my goal is certainly not out of the question, but I just have to stay on target. Here's a picture of me from last year! Hopefully this year I'll look EVEN MORE super fabulous!

My next goal is to lose 30 lbs by October 11th, which will mark my first cosplay experience at New York Comic Con (yet another geeky staple of my social calendar). I've always wanted to go in costume, but I have this crazy fear of being labeled the "fat version" of a beloved character or having people post hateful meme pictures of me on the internet and mocking me for all time. I know I shouldn't worry about that stuff. The internet is the internet and that will never change, but that's why I chose Appa, from Avatar: The Last Airbender. I'm doing an anthropomorphic version of this character (a giant flying sky bison). Yes, I'd like to do a human character, but until I have enough confidence in my appearance, I'm happy portraying this large fluffy character. Hopefully I'll be looking a little more svelte by then so I can really do majestic Appa justice. :)

I've been going to the gym every day for the past week and steadily improving my endurance. I even started doing weight training which is fairly new to me. As much as I hate being a sweaty ugly beast on the elliptical, I power through it by watching episodes of Firefly. I'll probably move on to Avatar when I finish that show so that I can get in the mood for my cosplay. I am also paying a lot more attention to stretching after every work out and returning to some of the yoga training I did in college. I actually LOVE that feeling I get when I finish and roll up my spine and just breath. I remember in movement class when we'd do this at the end of our warm-up, the teacher would say, "Don't adjust yourself. Don't look at yourself in the mirror. Just stand tall and accept everything in this moment. Just breath." I always hear that in my head when I finish and as corny as it is, it really helps me accept my progress every day.

As an actor, I can really feel the changes in my work. I'm just more connected with my body than I've been in a long time and right now I'm getting a chance to see that in my performance in A Midsummer Night's Dream which opens on Tuesday. I'm hoping to break many legs and give a fully embodied performance of Bottom, which is my first lead role in a while.

Sometimes I hate what I see in the mirror or I wish the whole process would just be over with. I'm a bit of an over achiever and I've struggled with anorexia and bulimia before so it's hard to accept the healthy rate of 1-2 lbs per week. No matter what I do, I seem to see a whale in the mirror.

I need to preface this next part by saying that my parents would do ANYTHING to support me and see me succeed and find joy in life. I love them and I wouldn't be able to afford my subscription to Nutrisystem or gym membership without them. That said, this next part of my story involves coming clean about what was said to me when I was younger about my weight and how the comments that were made affected me. The only reason I'm sharing this is because I now have a WONDERFULLY close relationship with them now and I know so many people who have struggled with weight from a young age will relate and learn from the scars that made me the way I am today. My mom and dad have always been worried about my health (and with good reason), but sometimes when I was younger it felt like an attack. These "concerns" and "attacks" made me hate myself- not that it was the only thing but every time my weight was mentioned I felt abnormal. I felt ugly and inadequate and like I'd never be good enough to be fully loved. I realize that a lot of this had more to do with me than it did to do with them. They were just looking out for me and they were understandably desperate to save me from following the path I ended up taking. Sometimes hurtful or insulting things were said to me were said in desperation and frustration and even though they weren't always kind, they were said because they loved me. One that stayed with me was "you're so overweight I don't know what to do with myself." Even now, on a bad day I can hear that sentence in my head and it fills me with shame.

My dad is a caterer and an amazing chef but he definitely tried to feed the family healthy food. We didn't visit fast food joints and we didn't keep a ton of sweets in the house. When I felt depressed, I would find ways to binge eat- either out with my friends or on my own. I would go and buy tons of candy bars or a carton of ice cream and drown my sorrows in CRAZY amounts of junk food. I'm totally ashamed of it, but I know I'm not alone. There are so many people who do this in order to cope with depression or stress. Looking back at pictures that were taken back in middle school, I really couldn't have been more than 10-15 lbs overweight at the time, but I let all of the more abusive feedback I was getting from my family and the pressure of going through puberty put all sorts of demons in my head. Really, I was a beautiful child who lived an active lifestyle. I played soccer and did figure skating and enjoyed the outdoors as well. Sometimes it makes me furious to realize that succumbing to those small insipid comments began my journey of self loathing and abuse that led me to anorexia, bullemia, and binge eating that lasted 12 years and packed on over 100 pounds.

 That being said, our country CLEARLY has to work on how we deal with childhood obesity. It's an undeniable epidemic. When I look back on my relationship with food and with my weight, I wonder how I would have handled it if I were the parent. It seems like an impossible task- you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't! How do you let a child know they need to be healthier without making them feel like a failure. How do you motivate them when places like the gym are intimidating and make them feel like a "special case" since no one else their age has to go there?

Anyways, the short and long is that it's still nearly impossible for me to recognize progress purely from looking in the mirror because of my rampant negative self image. I'm hardwired to see my inadequacies. So when I get down on myself, I have started to ask one question. "Have I done everything I can to live healthily today." If the answer is yes, then I try to move on and stop harping on myself about it. If it's no, then try my best to think of something healthy I can ACTIVELY do before the day is out, and most importantly, I commit to doing it.

There's only one problem at the gym. This trainer named Heather keeps approaching me about personal training whenever she sees me working out. I can't help but feel that she wouldn't have approached me if I weren't so overweight. I don't see her walking up to anyone else. I suppose I'm just one of those people who really hates anyone TALKING to me when I work out, but more than that I hate being solicited. I know that Heather's heart is in the right place. She probably really WANTS to help me, but I just can't stand that she continues to approach me and ask me to do certain exercises for her. I took her card to be polite. I don't know. Am I over reacting? I've gotten to the point where I dread going to the gym sometimes because I don't want her to hunt me Hunger Games style.