Cosplay, Japan, and Sad Chocolate

Day 6 Food Log

Mango orange banana smoothie

Tea with stevia and almond milk

Dried Mango

Salmon

Cauliflower

Sweet potato

Chicken onions, and mushrooms

Salad with EVOO and Balsamic Vinegar

90% Dark Chocolate Square

I decided to bust into my 90% dark chocolate. I ate a square and it tasted like dirt. I remember LOVING it before. I guess I have a bit longer for that super sensitive palette to kick in again. SAD ANNE IS SAD.

However, Sad Anne is not going to be so sad in April when she journeys to Japan with some of her closest friends! Guys, I'm so excited about this trip. I've always wanted to go and this group is "The A Team." We have a smattering of Japanese between us and my friend's Emily and Chris have been there before so they're going to take the reins. I'm so unbelievably excited to experience this adventure. I'm hoping it will be a bit palette cleansing and of course it gives me a damn good reason to stick to my Paleo guns in the mean time so I can really enjoy taking all of our pictures. Emily and I might do an apprentice Geisha photo shoot in Kyoto, which would be amazing because we're definitely going to be there during cherry blossom season. Most of our time will be spent in Tokyo and Kyoto, so if you have day trip ideas for the surrounding towns, please let me know since we're trying to plan and make reservations. I need all the help and suggestions I can get!

In other news, I've been thinking about whatI should do for my next cosplay and I'm torn between Boussh/Leia and the Kotobukiya Mara Jade. I'm leaning towards Leia since I love her so much and no one ever does that ensemble, but Mara Jade is my favorite EU character. Whatever I do, I need to do the project justice so leave your ideas in the comments!

Too Fat for Fashion, Too Corpulent for Cosplay

I've never been fashion forward. I watch Project Runway for the artistic process but I know nothing of designers or trends. I also don't have a ton of disposable income so shopping at trendy stores is just not something I do. I'm not ashamed to say that Target usually suits my needs just fine. When it comes to clothing, I just know what I like and what looks fun and or comfortable to wear.

Black Milk Clothing

At my heaviest, that included black pants and some sort of geeky fitted T-shirt more days than not. If it was a special occasion or a performance, I had a few go-to staples, almost always black. I went to conventions and watched cute girls wear all manner of awesome things like colorful leg warmers or fitted "Black Milk" dresses and leggings, not to mention the cosplayers who were in magnificent costumes that drew huge crowds of people. I was green with envy, but I just figured that would NEVER be me. "I'm too fat for fashion or for cosplay" was on my lips and in my mind constantly. I spent a lot of time resenting the girls who could pull that stuff off. I didn't think it was fair that geeky dudes complained there were only vapid booth babes at conventions and no REAL geek girls, when we were RIGHT THERE! We were just rendered invisible on their radar because of weight, acne, or general lack of sexiness. I spent WAY too much time thinking about all that and not enough trying to figure out what I could do to feel better about myself. 

Yaya Han

What matters is how you feel about yourself! I was missing out on so many fun aspects of fandom all because I was so caught up in my envy that I didn't stop to think about taking steps to open new doors. My rock bottom came because I got tired of "being excluded" from a culture that I loved. The hardest part was realizing that I wasn't "being excluded" so much as "excluding myself." Fixing the issue wasn't just about dropping the weight. I had to pick up new crafting skills too- sewing, construction, design! There was a lot that I didn't know and I'm still learning, but there are also a lot of ways out there to get yourself on track. I made a plan for my exercise and nutrition after doing research online, finding go-to inspirational blogs, and talking to doctors about the best options for me. I also started watching "how-to"videos on youtube so that I could learn how to make the costumes I so badly wanted to wear. It IS possible to make these changes, but you have to want it badly enough that all the effort seems worth it. There are days when I haven't felt like going to the gym and days when I've ruined aspects of my costumes and had to start over. That stuff happens. You have to want the finished product so bad that you keep going and keep sewing! That's why I set lots of goals to keep me moving in the right direction.

So many people get stuck at that stage. There are just so many excuses that pile up when you aren't happy with yourself. The more you say, "I can't," the easier it becomes to believe it. Honestly, I believe anything is possible with dedication and hard work so it SLAYS me when I hear people tell me they could never do what I've done or that they can't believe what I've done because they can't lose ten pounds and they'd really like to. Sometimes I want to take these people by the shoulders and shake them because I've been there and I know it's just not true. Break the cycle by taking smaller steps along the way and getting on the path to your goals. What CAN you do today to get on track? Can you order a salad instead of a burger? Can you go for a walk? Can you watch a youtube video on how to style wigs or mold worbla into armor patterns? Just because you're not ready to go run a marathon or build a full set of Storm Trooper armor doesn't mean it's not worth making the little changes. If you keep saying you can't, you never will.

I don't think I'll ever be a fashionista, but at this point, I find myself picking out outfits I NEVER would have put on before. I think part of me wore so much black because I just wanted to be invisible. I still love black, but I feel like I'm spicing up my wardrobe with a bit more color as well. My style choices have gotten a little bolder. I'm wearing skirts and leggings or cute fitted hoodies with my T's, and layering colorful long-sleeved shirts underneath my geeky t-shirts to make them wearable during the winter. I'm not saying any of this makes me fashion forward, but I'm changing the way I think about clothing and about shopping. It's an opportunity for me to express myself rather than a chore that has to be completed in order to disguise myself.

I've already started my cosplay journey, but as I lose weight, the way I think about choosing characters has changed. I used to think, "what can I get away with as a fat fat fatty?" My first character was Appa from Avatar: The Last Airbender because I figured that surely no one would blame a fat chick for cosplaying as a giant six-legged sky-bison. Also, Appa is awesome. Moving forward, I'm trying to think more about who I want to be in my wildest dreams rather than what I can "pull off" without getting called fat on the internet. I'm still concerned with finding costumes that I think will be flattering- I'm not about to cosplay a midriff bearing character any time soon, but I'm really excited for my Rainbow Dash outfit because that will give me a chance to be something cute and wear something a bit more form fitting and athletic. I've been using that costume as motivation to get myself to the gym so I can look as svelte as possible. The results have been really great so far and I always feel more proactive when I have a goal like that on the horizon. I guess my advice would be to never let yourself rest on your laurels for too long. It's just too easy for me to get comfortable or to get frustrated and give up if I don't have something to look forward to. 

Not only am I leveling up my physical stats, but I've also been leveling my crafting! I've learned how to sew, embroider, and all manner of things just because I decided to lose weight. Next on my list is learning how to work with leather so I can make a Xena costume to wear when I hit my goal weight. I may even get crafty with my regular wardrobe. My Rainbow Dash sneakers turned out so well that I've been thinking of making more versions for different characters from cult TV shows. If that goes well, maybe I'll start an Etsy store so I can make a little money on the side. Firefly shoes, anyone? See, I'm EVEN taking advantage of "game economy" in new ways! Haha, oh life really is more exciting when you see it like an MMO with endless opportunities for adventure. It just goes to show that as you start to making the little changes to yourself,  it bleeds into other areas. The sky is the limit, and even then I'm sure Rainbow Dash negotiates.  

Once Upon a Time Is Now

http://mareishon.deviantart.com

I have this wall of heroines in my room. They're heroes and villains from my favorite video games, books, movies, and tv shows. I decided to collect them because I'm a big fan of strong female figures in geek culture and when I find them, I latch on for dear life. There's just so much, well, crap when it comes to female characters in genre fiction. Even those we hold dear for nostalgia's sake; Buttercup, Princess Peach, Princess Zelda, Sailor Moon circa season one- All these ladies are just sort of waiting for some guy to come along and rescue them.

I never meant for this wall of action figures to become "thinspiration," but the closer I get to my goal, the more I look at them each morning and think, "Hello ladies, how we doing today?" rather than "Damn. I'll never be as badass as Starbuck. Womp Womp." It's corny, but I'm becoming a bonafide heroine in my own adventure now. I haven't quite cast the ring into the fires of Mount Doom yet, but SOON.

As of this morning I'm 84 lbs down and it's just 40 lbs until my goal weight. My next mini goal was for March 20th when I go to PAX East, and I'm just 4 lbs away from it. I hate counting tribbles before they hatch, but it looks like once again I'll be crushing my cosplay weightloss goal. 

I've spent the last week learning to embroider and working like crazy my Rainbow Dash and Soarin cosplays. Brandon's Wonderbolt costume is done! I just need to buy him a white t-shirt and then my costume just needs a few last details on the shoes. I couldn't have done any of it without my friend Annie. She was invaluable and did a TON of problem solving on how to get the cutie marks onto the costumes in the best way. She's ALSO and amazing artist, so check out her work at Squid Salad!

I found a great groupon deal for the Harry Potter Exhibition so Brandon and I went last weekend. It was SO AWESOME to see all those costumes and props up close. The incredible amount of detail that went into them was really impressive. I was also shocked to see how SMALL those costumes were. Obviously, they started out as young kids, but even the Deathly Hallows pieces for Hermione were shockingly tiny! In any case, I brought my wand from the "Wizarding World" in Florida and they took a picture of us in our house scarves. I was surprised to find MYSELF shockingly tiny in the photo! 

The picture is hilarious because it looks like the cover of a Harry Potter romance novel or fan fiction. For bonus points, leave the title in the comments!

The Power of Setting Goals

One of the most important things I've done on this journey is to learn how to set good goals for weight loss.

Before, I would just say, "I wanna be thin....WAAAAAGH! That's my goal. I know when I get there." As someone who has suffered from eating disorders and body dysphoria in the past, that's a slippery slope for me. It's almost impossible for me to look in a mirror and say, "Yup! I'm there! I reached my goal and I look fabulous." Setting that kind of goal is dangerous because it's hard to reach and the more you don't, the more negativity and the potential for self abuse sets in.

This time, I did some research. I found out how much I should weigh to be healthy. I put a specific NUMBER on it by using the BMI scale. This is isn't a perfect science since it's a bell curve of averages, especially for someone like me who is really short and fall on an extreme end of the scale, but it's really the only general way I had to set my goal. You could always go the calipers/body fat percentage route but that might not get you a goal body weight to shoot for if you're looking for a goal number. For me, doctors use the BMI scale, so that's what I used since I want the doctor to give me a clean bill of health when I visit. That's a major priority for me.

I also set weight loss goals that matched up with specific dates and occasions where I'd be performing, knew photos would be taken, or I'd be wearing costumes to conventions. The goals were determined realistically (1-2 lbs a week weightloss goals) and though I've had some disappointments along the way, I've never missed a goal yet which has been pretty empowering. The whole idea is to integrate healthy living into events or occasions you really WANT to be a part of so that your weightloss doesn't become "this thing you're also doing." It's a life change that's integrated into everything.

Yesterday I finally hammered out some dates for some summer conventions and family trips. I decided to attach goals to them and realized after doing the math on the weeks, that I could be at my GOAL WEIGHT before the first one and DEFINITELY before the second one which allows a bit of leeway. I can't believe that my system of mini goals has finally led me right to "the big kahuna!" Just goes to show that by making smaller changes and meeting mini milestones along the way, you can achieve great things in no time at all!

80 lbs Lost and Freezing My Ass Off!

Needless to say, it's winter, and it's cold, but I swear I'm enduring a long winter on "The Wall" in Westeros. In NYC, it's been 14 degrees every morning while I wait on the platform for the subway. I never used to get cold, but now I am always freezing. It's like when I go outside, the time it takes for me to get cold is 10 seconds flat. When I come in from the cold, getting myself warm is impossible. The only way is four layers of clothing and then I sit under my comforter on my couch next to the radiator with gloves on for about 40 minutes. The second I get out from under that blanket, I get cold almost immediately and then I have to get back under the blanket again. I thought I was imagining it, but when my boyfriend was here this weekend and I got up to get a glass of water, he would notice that I would be DRASTICALLY colder to the touch when I got back.

The only thing that's changed is my weightloss. My first thought was that it must be caused by the loss in "insulation," but it seems pretty extreme for that. So I did some research online. A lot of places suggest that restrictive diets can cause your metabolism to slow and then your body shuts down certain functions, making you prone to getting cold since your energy is being stored and redirected elsewhere. I don't think this is the issue because I'm following the Nutrisystem program to the letter, so while my food intake is controlled, its not below what it should be. Then I found this other point of view on the topic. If you are heavier, it stands to reason that you have more blood vessels over the surface of your fleshy-fattiness. Those vessels are your body's natural cooling system. So when you lose a significant amount of weight, those blood vessels don't just go away. You end up with less skin surface area, but the same amount of blood vessels you had before. Whether they eventually become absorbed or not is unclear. Hence your cooling system is far more efficient and sensitive than someone of a similar size who has not lost a huge amount of weight. From what I'm experiencing, this seems to make a lot of sense. It takes about 6 months for skin to adjust to a huge amount of weightloss, so maybe it will take a similar amount of time for my blood vessels to adapt? Time will tell. All I know is if I have to endure another winter "On the Wall" I think I'll become a deserter of the Night's Watch.

In other news, I've officially lost 80 lbs! It's pretty nuts. I'm proud of the work I've put in and I'm excited to continue all the hard work ahead. It's crazy. This goal actually seems attainable. I'm just about 2/3 of the way there and as I make dates for vacations and events this summer and count the weeks between then and now, I'm realizing that I could very well be AT my goal weight and into maintenance by then if I stay focused. How AMAZING is that? Here's to a great week for all of us!

20% Cooler and a Few Pounds Thinner!

http://timon1771.deviantart.com

Guys. I've been stuck fluctuating between the same five pounds for three weeks. It's been my most frustrating and inexplicable plateau to date and this morning at my weigh-in, the scale finally moved. The odds were ever in my favor! I've been working really hard this week, sticking 100% to my diet and hitting the gym every day for 45-55 minutes on the elliptical and then an hour of Zumba/Yoga/walking to cap it off. My body finally got the message and started losing again!

I took a Zumba class near the beginning of this journey and I could barely do it. I felt wretched and awful about it afterwards. Now 75 lbs down, I retook the class just to get an idea of how different it would be. I almost fell over when we started jumping because I was surprised by how much air I got! Haha! I kept up the whole time and had a lot of fun. So it just goes to show, as you change, your abilities change and you should always give everything (including yourself!) another chance to be awesome. You never know what you'll enjoy six months from now.

I've also really been enjoying getting back into yoga. I enjoyed it when we did it at the drama conservatory I attended even though I'm not super flexible. It helps me focus and keep my breath/body connected (which is very important as an actor). Aside from a crazy Russian substitute slave driver that we had for class yesterday, who spent more time showing us what the two advanced students could do as opposed to giving us each beginner/intermediate/advanced poses, it's been an incredibly positive experience. I'm not going to let that one negative experience stop me from challenging myself. :)

And with that! I'm going to the gym to watch Xena on the elliptical (Xena-lliptical training, as I like to call it!), followed by Zumba!

Becoming a Superhero

I've found weight harder and harder to drop as I lose more and more. It's become increasingly important to me to measure my progress not just by pounds dropped, but by changes accomplished. Sometimes that's weight loss, but other times that's progress with fitness, personal outlook, or life accomplishments. I usually only post on weigh-in days, but because I'm trying to see this as more than numbers on a scale, I'm going to try posting on days that aren't weigh-ins as well. 

I get asked for weight loss advice both by people in my life and on forums who are looking for faster results or are getting frustrated with their progress, which I admit I have a problem with myself. It seems like we're all looking for this magical "I WIN" button. Sorry, guys. That doesn't exist, not even with Nutrisystem. There's no magic involved. I view my Nutrisystem program is more like a 1-up or power boost. It helps you, but finishing the level and wining the game is ultimately up to you and the skills you acquire along the way. So even though I'm frustrated with my plateau right now and I sometimes gain weight for seemingly NO reason despite plenty of exercise and great focus on my diet, I have to be happy and proud of sticking to my guns and choosing health. The rest will follow. 

So, my current project is to build two cosplays for PAX East, a gaming convention I'm going to in March. It's really fun and it's something I never did before I started to lose weight because I was afraid to be labeled the "fat" version of a character I loved. My first cosplay as Appa from Avatar: The Last Airbender was so empowering and well received that I decided to do another one for this convention in March. My boyfriend decided he wanted in on the action, so we chose characters from one of our favorite shows, My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. Yes, my BOYFRIEND chose that. <3 We both love Rainbow Dash so I'm becoming her (cause she's 20% cooler!) while he'll be taking on Soarin, one of the Wonderbolts (think: the Blue Angels if they were pegasi). 

Obviously, we're not ponies. I know. SHOCKING! The artistry and fun of these costumes is figuring out how to anthropomorphize these characters and turn them into humans. We're doing that through mimicing the color palettes, personality references through clothing choice, and in the case of these two fine ponies, ears and wings! Since they're both stunt fliers, we'll be wearing aviator goggles. My boyfriend is wearing a blue hoodie, upon which I'll be sewing yellow details to reflect Soarin's flight suite and "cutie mark" (the mark all ponies have on their rumps!). He's wearing jeans and of course white wings with white pony ears.

When it comes to "becoming" Rainbow Dash, I realized I was going to be faced with physically embodying some of her really intimidating character traits. She's loyal to a fault when it comes to her friends (something I admire and identify with. That would be easy for me), very self confident (hilariously pompous at times), and very athletic and sporty (competing in stunt flying competitions and saving the day through physical bravery). Out of those three things, I see myself exhibiting only one of those traits. Every time I designed the costume for her, I would shy away from wearing athletic shorts or a tight T-shirt with nothing covering my arms, but every time I designed the costume with jeans and a sporty sweatshirt, I just knew it wasn't the character. It didn't feel like Dash. It felt like Anne wearing a Dash wig and some rainbow stuff. In my heart, I feel like she's not afraid to show herself off. She's a runner with flashy apparel and a devil may care attitude and THAT is what I'm going to take on. This pony has spunk! She's not gonna want to hide herself under a hoodie and jeans. She's PROUD of who she is, so why can't I be? Rather than fit the character to me, I need to fit myself to the character so that I can do her justice and wear what she would wear. I don't want to look bad, but she's a sporty adorable pony who likes to show off and if I want to be her for three days, I need to accept that part of her.

So rather than allow myself to get more and more frustrated, this week I finally decided to face the problem head on, just like Dashie would do! I am going to religiously adopt those two character traits (sportiness and self confidence) that I struggle with from now until March 22, when we go to the convention. Who knows, something might just stick!

That means going to the gym more than I was and sticking 100% to my Nutrisystem guidelines unless I have a REALLY good reason not to. I have been trying to go to the gym 4 times a week, but if I want to feel like I've done everything I can to look great and feel great for the con... or as I also like to put it, feel like I DESERVE to represent Rainbow Dash, I'm going to increase the intensity and frequency of my work-outs. It's slow season for work for me, so I have plenty of time to get to the gym and NO EXCUSE not to make the most of it. Rainbow Dash is also VERY competitive and she feels like she's the best person in the room when it comes to almost everything. She never questions herself. Because of that, I'm attending group fitness classes, like yoga and Zumba, at least 2 times a week on top of my regular workouts. I'm not doing it because I want to be better than everyone else, but because I need to put myself in situations where I don't constantly compare myself NEGATIVELY to other people at the gym. I've had a lot of athletic friends throughout the years and I've always been the slowest, the fattest, and the worst at everything. So I'm going to tackle those icky feelings of inadequacy when faced with physical trials head on. Whenever I find myself saying, "I can't do this like that person is doing it," I try to say, "but I am doing something."

Similarly, I find that I do a lot of negative self-talk. I look in the mirror and I punish myself mentally and verbally for being fat/having saggy arms/taking so long to get my life in order/etc. I'm sure that's something we can all identify with and it's a really hard habit to break. So, when I say those things, I have my friends call me on it and I try to call myself on it and then I (very important that it's me and not someone else) will force myself to say something positive about myself. It seems really stupid and it's really hard, BUT it works and hopefully I'll start to say/believe more positive things about myself than negative things. 

So, long story short, I'm owning my progress, both as a person and as a pony. HA! In the spirit of accepting my progress and not constantly looking for product, here's a picture of my costume in progress. The wig still needs to be styled and I have a lot of detail work to finish on the shirt and the rest of the costume, but it IS starting to come together and I know I'll be able to stand proudly in my costume at PAX East as the fastest filly in Equestria! Heehee! :) 

So if you want, leave a comment with a hero/heroine that you've always admired and think about spending the next few months trying to adopt the things about them that you love, but would like to see more of in yourself. I'll cheer you on the whole way! If you're looking for more inspiration, there was a great X-men themed post on Nerdfitness today to help get you started!

From Disappointment to Celebration

Well, my weigh-in this week was a little disappointing at first glance. I was hoping for a two pound loss considering how on top of my eating I was (guys i resisted soooo many tasty treats with my friends. Cupcakes and hot chocolate to name a few.). I feel like I might be plateauing a little bit after my crazy losses following my surgery last month. Then again I also started taking birth control again, so perhaps that's part of it. Meh.

At any rate, I did notice some positives this week! 

Firstly, I finally went shopping for new clothes! Low and behold, I was a medium and I even bought one small item (WHAT THE WHAT?), so that was very exciting. It's also pretty amazing to see people react to my new wardrobe. Now that my clothes fit, my weight loss is even more noticeable. I bought jeans for the first time in years too. Oh! AND! I dug through my closet and found my high school winter coat, which now FITS ME! I can finally stop looking like a deflated clown in a million layers and wear clothes that fit. My friend Emily said it best when she giggled, "Oh Anne, you look like a real person now!" I don't think she was implying that being fat meant that I wasn't a real person. It's just that I've been looking super schlubby in my oversized clothes for a while now and now I don't stick out for all the wrong reasons. :) 

Second, my boyfriend is back in town. His reaction to my loss over the last month was pretty intense. He hadn't seen me since after my surgery so the last time we were together I was at least ten pounds heavier and could barely move. He's proud of my accomplishments and very supportive. He won't stop picking me up and carrying me places which is weird for me because I always feel like surely I much be crushing him, but apparently not! It's been a bit of a love fest ever since his return. <3

I've also started putting together our costumes for PAX East. We did a lot of shopping for base items this week and I'm sure we'll be picking up other little things along the way. Now I need to go get some fabric so I can start sewing on the details!

So that was my week. Hopefully I'll be able to hit the gym hard and stick with the eating program and find myself BELOW 177, which apparently is the hardest thing ever. 

My First Gain: My Fat Is Trolling Me

Well today was my first weigh-in day where I gained since starting this program 7 months ago. I only gained 1.2 lbs, but if I had lost that much, it would seem significant, so it certainly doesn't seem like a victory week. 

Obviously it's disappointing but I'm not really surprised after the week I had. I'm coming off a few weeks of pretty major loss following my surgery and I gave myself a free day on Monday night to enjoy treats at our New Years party- one of my three indulgence days for the holiday season. I didn't realize it would go on for two whole days, so I didn't pack extra Nutrisystem food like I normally would when I go to stay at a friend's house. I had to wing it on a day where I wasn't able to be particularly active and though I did my best, I certainly got off track and I don't think I every quite recovered during the course of the week. Sadly, my gym was also closed for a few days following that AND I had my last ERCP procedure for my gallbladder situation so the doctor recommended that I didn't do anything strenuous. Then I had four days of work, giving walking tours all day long (which was actually great because I needed to get more active). Anyways, those are all EXCUSES- I could have gotten off my ass and gone for a walk even if I couldn't go to the gym. I didn't. It was my choices that got me here. I could spend more time beating myself up, but I won't. Today is a new day and it's time to hit the ground running. It's time to stick 100% to the plan and get the the gym at least 4 days this week.

Conversely, there were a few positives to the week. 

I tackled my boredom with frozen veggies by putting together a huge salad kit for the next five days. I've been going the frozen route because the small grocery store near me really doesn't have great produce and walking to the far away one (and of course walking back with heavy shopping bags) is pretty awful. So I decided it would be worth it if I bought enough salad "fixins" for about five days. I tossed the baby romaine salad with peppers, carrots, and cucumbers. Then I put them into super fresh-keeping tupperware containers and dish out my portions of veggies and measure out the low fat dressing at meal time. We'll see how it goes this week, but so far, it's amazing. I look forward to the fresh salads more than I do the ACTUAL Nutrisystem dinners! It's my favorite part of the day. SALAD IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THE DAY?! Who am I? :)

I got to go back to work this week, which is taking some monetary stress off my shoulders. Even though it's our slow season for tours, I'm just happy that even a LITTLE money is going into my account. I've been living pretty frugally and will continue to do so because I have a small vacation to fund in March. I'm going to PAX East, a gaming convention, and I'm going with my boyfriend and a bunch of friends. 

The convention marks one of my mini weightloss goals (-88 lbs by March 22) and my second cosplay attempt. This time, my boyfriend is joining me in costume to support my efforts (what a trooper!), and we're going as Rainbow Dash, and Soarin the Wonderbolt from "My Little Ponies: Friendship is Magic." Weirdest part: That was his choice! Heeehehehehehe. That's right, folks. I'm in dating a Brony. This week, we kicked it into high gear with building our costumes. I have a lot of sewing to do and because this costume is more tailored than my last one, I have to wait until closer to the event to start on the clothing aspects of mine or I'll be swimming in it. So, I'm starting by sewing his, ordering my prescription pink contacts, and building all the details like aviator goggles, our pegasus wings, and my custom painted rainbow sneakers with LED rainbow laces. 

Lastly, I'm currently watching The Biggest Loser and I'm celebrating because for the first time, I'm watching it without an iota of fear. I used to feel inspired by the show, but in the back of my head, when the contestants struggled, I always panicked a little because I knew I had yet to face my own demons on the scale, in the gym, and at the table. Now I am transforming myself and I am focusing more on the commonalities between myself and the folks who are hard at work on the show. So for fun, I'm tracking my weightloss along with the show in a personal mini challenge to see how much I can lose during the course of the season. It's nice because the episodes come out on Hulu on my weigh in day so I can write my blog whilst watching the show. So my first Biggest Loser weigh-in is: 178.8 lbs. We'll see how it goes next week!

Measurements & The Biggest Loser

I was surprised by how great my measurements are coming along this morning. I was definitely expecting them to be a little "blegh" because of recovering from surgery and not being able to hit the gym for a week and a half this past month, but it looks like I was able to stay right on track so I was proud of myself for devising a plan for recovery and sticking with it.

New Years was fun, though I did indulge a little TOO much in goodies. I was giving myself permission to splurge on that day, but now it's time to get back to 100% on plan. The holidays are over folks! It's time for us all to start kicking ass again. No excuses!

I took a new Facebook profile picture and compared it to other pictures of my face throughout the years. It's almost gross how pudgy my face was before in comparison. I should do a "before/after" of my face at some point just to show the difference. I don't know how I convinced myself that I hadn't put on much weight after seeing how bloated I used to be in comparison to what I see now.

For whatever reason I thought The Biggest Loser was cancelled, but I just saw a promo for a new season and I'm SOOOO excited cause I love that show. I know their results are unrealistic in a way, but I love watching the contestants transform, inside and out, plus there's a lot of nutritional education on that show as well. This is the first time I won't be watching it and thinking, "I should really get my ass off the couch and do something about my problems." That's really exciting for me because their were times when I was certainly watching that show and eating a whole pizza at the same time. SHAAAAAAAME! Haha! Anyways! I'm super excited to watch! Anyone else planning on tuning in?

Resolutions Shmesholutions

Happy New Year from the most awesome self-rescuing Princess of all time (and space!), Princess Leia! I just love this hoodie. My best friend gave it to me for Christmas and it's my personal version of a "power suit." It puts a little "kick ass" in my mindset and a bounce in my step. Also, it's a size down from what I was wearing before, so BONUS!

Today marks the end of the New Year. It was a big weigh-in day for me. On November 1st, I was 200 lbs and today, I'm 177.8 lbs. 22.2 lbs down in two months! I'm pretty happy about it considering my rampant neurosis about facing the holidays with a healthy mindset for the first time ever. I won't say it was easy, but I will say for the first time, that it was successful! All I wanted to do was show a loss in the end and stay on track, and it looks like I managed to do that!

Tonight, a lot of people around the world will be making resolutions to lose weight in the New Year. Last year I was one of those people. Though it took me months to make good on my New Year's promise to myself, I finally did and here I am... 72.2 lbs lighter (or as a my friends like to point out, a fourth grader thinner!). For years I've been making that resolution and then ignoring it in the harsh light of day- the scalding reality when it came to facing the year+ of work it would take to lose the weight and the following lifetime of dedication to maintenance. I was completely lost and starting Nutrisystem allowed me to learn, bite by bite and work-out by work-out, what it takes to get the job done. I've learned so much about portions and balanced eating, let alone what I'm capable of. I'm really grateful for the opportunity that this program has given me to reclaim my life, but mostly, to make me feel like anything is possible with perseverance and an open mind. 

So this year, I'm not resolving to "lose weight," I'm resolving to meet my GOAL weight. I'm already more than half way there and I know it's not an unrealistic goal. I can't believe that it finally feels like it's IN SIGHT. It's always been a distant pipe dream for me. 

So that's my wish for all of us this year- The knowledge that we are completely capable of reaching our goals. It is possible and it will be worth all of the challenges that rise to meet us.

Shopping in My Closet!

My parents mailed me all my old "thin" clothes. I don't know if you're like me, but as I got heavier, I sorta kept some things around because I hoped one day I'd fit into them again. Whenever I saw them, they depressed the hell out of me so I left them at home when I finally moved out to NYC for good after college. Yet, whenever my parents tried to get rid of them, I'd put up a fight. I guess in my subconscious I really wanted to get healthy. My body and my will just had to catch up!

Well they all arrived yesterday and with very few exceptions, everything fit! I was pretty amazed since I think I always have a sort of distorted view of my own weightloss. It really put everything in perspective when I fit into things I have seen pictures of myself wearing and thought, "If only I could at least fit into that again, I could be a little less FILLED WITH SHAME, DESPAIR, AND SELF LOATHING." Haha! Well, folks! Time to puff out my chest and accept my own AWESOMENESS. Victory lap. Sadly a lot of the stuff is more for summer, but that just means it will fit even better by then! Heehee!

One big thing I noticed is that when I'm thinner, I wear SOOOO MUCH MORE COLOR. 

SPEAKING OF COLOR!!!!!!!

RAINBOW DASH COSTUME UPDATE! My pink contacts came yesterday as well as my shorts. I bought two sizes based on the measurements on the site. I wasn't sure I could fit into the smaller shorts, but it turns out I can! They'll look even better by the end of march, but I'm pretty confident in them looking good. Sidebar: I hope I don't FREEZE TO DEATH IN THIS SKIMPY COSTUME! I have finally assembled enough of the base pieces to line everything up and see how the whole costume is shaping up, so I thought I'd snap a pic and share it here with all of you!

I still need to style the rainbow wig, sew on rainbow details for the shirt and shorts, make the cutie mark design on the shirt, and get rainbow shoelaces! Oh... and make my boyfriend's costume. LOL! I've been working out a ton to prepare for the wearing of this costume, but I'm still thinking of wearing opaque tights or leggings with the shorts (for warmth and also because I don't want my legs to look crappy and ugly!)... but if I did, I'm not sure what color they should be. Anyone have any thoughts based on the palette here? Hopefully I live up to my own expectations! <3

Healthy Holiday Greetings

By Maria Clapsis

I've been spending the last week in recovery from my gallbladder surgery and it's been going pretty well. I spent each day slowly working my strength back up to what it was at the gym. I started just walking outside for half an hour at a time, then moved on to doing that on the treadmill so I could monitor heart rate and speed. Then I kept ramping that up in time, incline, and intensity every day until yesterday I finally was able get on the elliptical and do a 45 minute cardio session. After I see the doctor for my follow-up on the 27th, I'll probably get the ok to do high intensity interval training again. 

I've been eating 100% healthy this week since I've been stuck at the apartment which has been really nice. Not a lot of temptation out there- what luck for the holidays! I am headed to Connecticut to spend time with family for the next two days and I've heard that our Christmas Eve dinner promises to be pretty healthy. Filet mignon, spinach, and sweet potatoes. I'm bringing some Nutrisystem food to supplement throughout the holiday, but for the most part I'm giving myself a pass to splurge a little since I've been so good the entire season. I figure if there's ever a day to splurge, its the REAL CHRISTMAS DAY! 

It's weird. I think this is the first holiday season that I've successfully been able to lose weight. Oddly, it's not as hard as I feared- just takes some planning and a bit of will. It's easier to hold off on the little temptations when I know I'm going to have a treat looming on the horizon. :)

Well, I'm off to the gym! Not sure when my parents are arriving so I want to make sure I get in one last good workout before we head to Connecticut. Happy HEALTHY Holidays everyone!

Post Operation Weigh-In

I had my first post surgery weigh-in today. I wasn't really sure what to expect. I figured my greatest loss would have been in the hospital where they didn't let me eat for about 6 days, but that didn't seem to be the case. I guess it wasn't until after my return home that my body finally decided to react to all the stress. I've been able to get my appetite back and stick to the program over the last few days and I'm pretty sure that jumpstarted my metabolism or something. Whatever it did, it gave my body what it needed and I dropped 4.8 lbs this week! I was all:

I know it's sort of not real and that I'll probably fluctuate or not lose at all this week, but my main focus is to just get back to normal physically. I want to stick to the program, since my appetite really hasn't been what it once was, and I want to work up to getting on the treadmill at the gym.

I've been trying to stay busy at home. I create little to-do lists for each day so I don't go crazy. I have to call to make some follow up appointments at the hospital today and check in with my health insurance to make sure everything gets pre-certified for the follow-ups. Luckily, once all that is done, I'll be able to spend some time playing Skyrim on my new gaming desktop. But first! It looks like the rain has let up so I'm going to go for a nice little recovery walk whilst the weather holds.

Adventures in the ER

I ran from my health issues for as long as I could, but they finally caught up to me.

I finally gave in and checked myself into the ER for severe abdominal pain after 3 months of intermittent suffering. After a Friday and Saturday of the most monumental pain I've ever experienced and not being able to keep meals down, I cracked and took a cab to the hospital. It's a good thing I did because it turns out I have gallstones and I need to get my gallbladder removed. The pain was being caused by stones being released and then getting stuck resulting in bile building up pressure behind them, which caused intense pain that lasted anywhere from 15 minutes to 15 hours. 

How did this happen? Well, my friends; extreme weightloss. My doctor told me weight gain or loss can cause this and when I told them about my success with my diet and exercise, they said, "Congratulations! ...But yes. Your weightloss definitely triggered this."

Why is my body betraying me after all the work I've done for it!? Curse it and its sudden but inevitable betrayal! Well at least it's not because of weight GAIN. They did a mini operation yesterday to clear out all the stones that were stuck in the tubes, but the big operation should be tomorrow. I'm shakin' in my boots because I've never had surgery before.

I have to say that the worst part is not being allowed to eat for the past five days. They said they might allow me liquids yesterday, but not till the doctor OKs it and with the operation this morning, I doubt they'll let me eat any solids. That will be almost a week without food and water if I can't eat till Thursday. Obviously I have an IV but there's a rock of hunger building in my stomach and its constantly growling. Meh!

Anyways. That's what's up over here! May your gallbladders remain stoneless and the odds be ever in your favor!

It's My Birthday!

Yesterday was my birthday and my weigh in day! I can proudly say that not only am I 27, but I've FINALLY broken into the 180s! Over 60 lbs down and so many aches, pains, and swollen feet eliminated. Needless to say there was much celebration on all accounts. I was surrounded by friends I love and we laughed the night away playing on the WiiU and carousing till the wee hours of the night. I can't believe how far I've come in such a short time and to top it off, I'm nearly halfway to my goal weight! Just gotta keep putting one foot in front of the other :)

As far as eating for the day, I pretty much had breakfast, my coffee with skim milk and Splenda and then had low sodium ramen for dinner and the fattest most delicious cake known to man. My best friend made me a Mint chocolate Icecream cake. People. This cake. Holy frak. So good, but here's why I fasted for the day: This cake= two layers chocolate cake, a middle layer of mint chip Oreo fudge swirl ice cream, and thin mint/dark chocolate icing. It was my birthday, so I can hardly be faulted for the indulgence, but clearly I didn't want to derail my progress completely- hence the fasting. WORTH IT. Heehee! I weighed myself this morning out of curiosity and I'm down half a pound so that worked out nicely! Now it's back to the plan and full steam ahead. No cheating till Christmas!

Lately I've been down on myself about this plateau I've been trying to push myself over and at the recommendation of friends both on Nutrisystem AND in my everyday life, I've been doing my best to find other ways to measure my achievements in weightloss besides the scale. I really think it's one of the healthiest things I've done in this whole program. I got out my measuring tape as so many of your comments suggested, I really tried to challenge myself at the gym to see how far my fitness level has come, and of course I kept track of comments made by friends and coworkers. Sometimes when we don't believe in ourselves, someone else comes along who does.

I work at Radio City Music Hall, and let me just say, when a Rockette doesn't recognize you at first and then says, "OH MY GOD Anne! You look incredible!" while dripping with 3,000 Swarovski crystals and glowing with glamor for the Christmas Spectacular, it feels pretty damn good! Someone else at work mistook me for a skinny co-worker and then was surprised to find it was me. I've also received a bunch of Facebook messages and Tweets from people who have been inspired to make a commitment to their own fitness and health because of what I'm doing- many congratulatory, but some calling me an inspiration! That seems so nuts to me, but it feels really good to know that what I'm doing for myself is helping other people face the same struggle we're all dealing with. It's always nice to know that you're having a positive effect on people and I'm grateful for that.

Officially Frustrated

I'm one of those people who weighs every day. I do it to get a sense of how my eating affects my fluctuations and to get myself used to seeing fluctuations rather than being surprised by them. 

That being said, I've eaten and exercised PERFECTLY every day this week except for Thanksgiving day and I only lost .8 lbs. The scale has been STUCK at 192.2 for 3 days and I don't get it. It's not going up or down and I've been really active. I just don't see how I can't have lost any weight at all since Thursday and it's really grinding my gears. Today is weigh-in day and I have almost nothing to show for it even though I ate pretty responsibly at Thanksgiving and stuck 100% to plan on the other days. 

I know I just need to keep working and that plateaus do happen but "MEH" I say. "MEH" indeed. I am most disappointed at this turn of events.

Thanksgiving: One Short Day of Indulgence

Now I can finally say I've made it through a Thanksgiving while on a diet. Did I make every healthy choice? No. But I totally exhibited self control while enjoying delicious food for ONE SPECIAL DAY of indulgence. I started the day with a Nutrisystem breakfast bar and a fast paced cardio workout on the elliptical. I got off the subway a few stops early and walked to work. I had two slices of dried mango at work and shared a small pumpkin cupcake with a friend at work to keep me going and then I used the rest of my calories for the day on dinner. I had a slice of turkey, two spoons of sweet potato casserole, green beans, spinach, a spoon full of mac & cheese, a cup of apple cider and a piece of pumpkin crumb cake. After dinner, we all did salsa dancing in the living room since I was celebrating with a bunch of dancers and choreographers. It was pretty wild and not what I'm used to when celebrating with my own family, but certainly a lot of fun! In the end I only put on .2 lbs after the whole active day and today I hopped right back on my diet plan. The important thing is to keep your eyes on the prize and to not fall of the wagon. Hope everyone enjoyed the day and is back on track today!

Giving Thanks

Knowing that Thanksgiving was coming around the corner, I've been working out every day after work. My work is really exhausting. I give tours all day and walk roughly 5 miles up and down 4 flights of stairs every day. So by the time I get home, I'm ready to sit down and relax.

Well not this week! :) I've been keeping my nose to the grindstone and putting in the work.

This morning topped it off though! I had been planning to rest on Thanksgiving and just enjoy everything in moderation, especially since I'm scheduled to work during the day. Well this morning I woke up around 5:30AM for no reason and couldn't get back to sleep. Then, I realized my first tour wasn't going to start until 11:30AM. 

I could have stayed in bed as I'd planned and given myself a break, but I didn't. Before I could even think about it, I hopped out of bed, threw on my gym clothes and began schlepping myself the 6 blocks to the gym. After I was done sweating out a cardio workout, I headed back to my apartment to shower. During the walk I was thinking about all the things that have changed since I started this whole healthy mission.. quest... thing! Sorry, I can never resist quoting Lord of the Rings. ANYWAYS! 

• I've lost almost 60 lbs, sure. But that's just on the surface! 
• 5 months ago, I would not going to the gym because I had extra time to kill. 
• I wasn't as self assured as I am now because I was never brave enough to ask for what I wanted or demand what I deserve. I didn't think I was worth it. Now I know I am!
• I didn't have a boyfriend who is proud of my journey and my determination to succeed rather than the results that succeeding will yield.
• I had NO self control. 
• I didn't know how to forgive myself for mistakes. 
• I didn't know how to indulge without derailing myself.
• I didn't have awesome cheerleaders and peers who teach me about what it takes for us to reach our goals EVERY DAY!

All that said, I don't think I've ever had a Thanksgiving where I was thankful for MYSELF, which seems really selfish I guess, but there you have it. I'm thankful for a lot of things this year, but most of all I'm thankful for the changes in me and I hope you're all thankful for yourselves too!

Thanksgiving Diet Plans

Today I weighed in at an even 57 lbs lost. I lost 3.6 pounds this week, which makes me very happy since it makes up for my puny -1.5 lbs lost weigh ins from the past two weeks. Of course any loss is nothing to sniff at but I like to aim for two pounds lost every week. Plus I'm always happy to see my weight go DOWN during the holidays.

This weekend my boyfriend and I decided to challenge ourselves to make beef stew so we could eat it whilst enjoying "Game of Thrones." My goal was to make it in the healthiest way possible. I used low sodium broth, cut away the fattiest bits of the meat, and loaded it with more veggies than called for. Maybe this would be weird, but next time, I'd consider using sweet potatoes instead of the regular kind. I think the sweet/savory mix would probably be delicious and of course healthier. It turned out really yummy, I got a guilt-free break from the Nutrisystem program AND I learned something new!

I'm curious about what everyone is planning to do for Thanksgiving this week. I'm planning on skipping my afternoon snack and having a little white turkey, a couple spoonfuls of sweet potatoes and a small serving of desert while staying strictly on plan for the rest of the week/exercising after work every day. I feel like that will be a fine planned indulgence for the holiday. I think the important thing will be to have a plan and not just fly blind. Good luck everyone and Happy Thanksgiving!